birthdays...church... and advocacy

Birthdays and craziness…
Has February already come and gone? I now have a six and seven year old? Is that even possible? Am I old enough for that? Ha! We didn’t have “birthday parties” this year for several reasons but mainly because I just wanted to take the boys and go do something fun and celebrate! Tripp requested that we go stay at a hotel – the one in town – 8 minutes from the house….. So we convinced him to go to Hattiesburg! He didn’t understand why we had to check out that next morning – he really just loves a hotel! Maybe we should get him out more! That boy just cracks me up; his logic and reasoning blow me away sometimes, never a dull moment! So for Ty’s birthday we were going to do the same thing but he came down with a terrible case of strep. When I say terrible I mean it! Ty has never been that sick, ever. He would get the shakes and kept running fever even when we were on an antibiotic. At one point his mouth was covered in ulcers and his gums would bleed and all he could do was drink water. One night I was in the bed holding him and he was just shivering and trying to talk to me. He was using his hands and just a “talking” and my heart just broke and tears poured out. I broke because he tries so hard, and here he is hurting and shaking and he can’t tell me what’s wrong. We play twenty questions and he has gotten really good at the head nods and telling us “yes” or “no”. But what if I didn’t have time for twenty questions?! All kinds of scenarios ran through my head that night and I tried to ward off all of the “what ifs” but it just came down to me wanting him to be able to speak and how important that is in so many ways. Anyway, we ended up making another trip to the doctor and they switched his antibiotic and gave him a shot and he was good to go in no time! So all of that to say that we are rescheduling his birthday weekend!

I LOVE MY CHURCH FAMILY…
I don’t think I can ever truly express how much I love my church family. They are absolutely amazing! Their love and generosity just blows me away. They are so wonderful, just absolutely some of the most amazing people I have ever met in my life! They had Soup-er Sunday again this year for Ty and raised over three thousand dollars for him! I fought off tears the entire day. I just love that they love Ty and Tripp and us so much! They are our family and I hope one day I can return the favor and spread the love and joy and compassion that they show us on a regular basis! They don’t just help us by raising money and awareness. They are intentional in involving Ty in activities and talking to him when he busts through the doors and runs through the sanctuary like the happiest kid in the world. He runs straight to the open door in the hall to shut it and then across the front of the church to the other side and shut the other hall door. All the while “talking” at the top of his lungs and buzzing past people that jump in front of him to steel a hug and a kiss and make him talk to them. I just absolutely love that! They are also pretty amazing at stopping him before he runs out the door when he slips out of our hands or wiggles lose from a hug! Maybe the next t-shirt should be jerseys because Ty turns us all into linebackers! Lol
Ty can make all kinds of noises on a wed night during worship and not one person looks at him in a way that says “don’t do that – or shhhh its quiet time” nope if anyone even turns to look at him (because everyone is used to his outbursts and his singing and jumping and excitement) it’s to laugh with him or to smile and encourage him to be him! Just really makes my heart smile! I can tell when someone new comes in and they are caught off guard and I’ve heard someone say “oh that’s Ty” with a big smile as if to say “isn’t he having fun!” And then just get right back to whatever they are doing. It’s just a wonderful place and I love that Ty is able to learn about Jesus here and I really love how well the LOVE and GRACE and MERCY of Jesus is shown not just in their words but in their actions. Simply amazing. I love them! From the bottom of my heart!

Advocacy…
So I got to attend a statewide parent conference yesterday in Jackson. The opening speaker almost had me in tears. At some point in her speech she said “when is the last time you asked your students what they wanted to be when they grow up?” I could feel my eyes start to water and my heart drop– now for the record I don’t know when I’ve asked Tripp this question either, but he will just tell me at random what he wants to be and we talk about all those dreams. It just made me think - What are my expectations? Where do I see Ty in 10 years? I don’t want him to just complete school. I want him to get a “real” diploma. I want him to know I have faith in him. I want him to know I have high expectations and that if he wants to be a surgeon or a boss of company or a fireman or grass cutter or whatever kind of dream that he may have... Well I want him to know that we are in his corner. That we will fight for whatever he wants to do. We obviously have a lot of hurdles to cross to get there. The number one priority being speech right now and after that potty training and we are working on self-help skills too. He has been doing chores with us at home some, it cracked me up when I figured out he wanted to help. I was putting laundry away and we had just given the boys a bath and Ty walked into the bathroom and grabbed a shirt and threw it on the couch with all the clean clothes. I laughed and told him “thank you” and gave it back to him and asked him to put it in the laundry room and he did! Then I gave him some socks to put away and he took them straight to the trash can! So I laughed and the next time I gave him laundry to put a way I walked with him and showed him where they went and he put them up! With the biggest smile! Like he’s saying “I can do this mom”! And all I can do is smile and think of other ways for him to help! He’s also been putting his bowl and spoon up after breakfast and “talks” to you the whole time to make sure you see him doing it. Tripp always gets excited for him and says “look at Ty! He put his bowl up! Good job TyTy! Way to go buddy” He’s such an encourager! I just love their connection!
One of the sessions at the conference was about advocacy and how to be an effective advocate and how the child could be their own advocate, etc. But when they can’t, when there is a language barrier then you can’t just sit back you have to push and expect what others don’t. We have been so blessed to have teachers and educators that advocate for Ty – they give us ideas, they ask us those hard questions and help us make informed decisions and they care and I can tell they want the best for Ty. Obviously every system is limited by money and resources but I would take “heart” and “passion” any day over resources. So I pray that I can be that advocate for Ty and I hope that my expectations will seem “too high” and then I want him to blow us away with his abilities! Because I know he will.

Well that’s all I got today. Thanks for reading! I love yall!

Laughter is the best medicine

Hey! So it's been quite a while since my last post and I typically try to write something at least once a month but I couldn't find the right words lately so I'm jumping back in the saddle today! Here we go...

So the holidays were pretty exciting this year - Ty was really into opening Christmas presents and wanting us to get the toys out of those boxes so he could play with them immediately! His face lit up with excitement as he would discover a new toy and then he could just barely contain himself as he waited for us to break into those armored boxes. (I mean if you're looking for a good security system, call the people who package toys, they seem to have a handle on things). By the time you conquer the tasks of opening the toy, everyone has given up and there's no one around to bask in the glory of your pride as you hold it up free from the package, wraps, rubber bands, twisty ties, pad locks and finger print scanners..... Yeah so maybe I exaggerated - but you know what I'm talking about! Ha anyway let me get back on track..... In the past Ty didn't really care about unwrapping gifts, etc so it was awesome to see him get excited over each gift as he opened them!
Have I mentioned that I love Christmas! It has always been one of my most favorite times of the year. We get to see family, exchange gifts, eat some amazing food and we get to just hang out and visit. The older I get, the more I am loving the food and visits! Don't get me wrong - I love watching the boys as they tear into everything and get so excited over each new thing. But there's just something about being with your family and friends that just makes the day better and that usually includes lots of stories and lots of laughs! Ty has a very infectious and loud laugh and once he hears someone laugh he wants to join in! He loves to do this with my brother - everytime he sees him, he jumps in his lap, grabs his face and throws his head back as he let's out this loud commanding laugh, stops to see if he's joining in and then starts again! It's hilarious and pretty awesome to watch! He has done this to others too but he always does it to my brother and it just really cracks me up. It shows me how well he understands what's going on and how he desires to be apart of everything we do. Especially the laughs and it's like he's saying "laugh loud and hard because this is awesome and this is how a laugh is meant to be". Who knew someone with so few spoken words could speak so clearly and profoundly.

Tripp has been an amazing little brother! He has been really encouraging Ty as he conquers new things and he is quick to point it out to us. We were riding to school one morning and Ty started humming along to some of the songs on the "frozen" soundtrack and Tripp started yelling "momma he's singing! Ty is singing" and as I looked back in my mirror Ty was grinning from ear to ear and humming along to the beat! I sometimes miss the new things he's doing because they can mimic some of his "normal" things. For example(disclaimer, we will talk about bodily functions in this example): we had dinner at my friend Cody's house the week before Christmas - Ty walks in the room, points at his belly and then the hall and Cody says "I think he's telling you he needs to go to the bathroom" I said "nah he just wants to go back in the other room and play" Ty leaves.... Comes back..... And I smell something.... I look at Cody and say "or what do I know!?" So as I take Ty to change him I ask him if he was trying to tell me that he needed to potty - he looks me square in the face, nods his head and says "uh huh" so I apologize to him and tell him to tell me next time and we will go potty. Well a few minutes later he comes and gestures the same way, so I jump up - take him to the bathroom and he toots on the toilet! Ha I ask him if he's finished, he nods his head and then he's off playing again... I was so excited! That was the first time he has asked to potty and had a bodily function of some kind (which verifies that he recognized the feeling) so it was awesome! Since then he has asked very randomly to use the bathroom and we go, but he has yet to do this consistently but it's baby steps! And it goes to show me that I need to be on my toes! That I need to pay more attention and recognize that maybe he's trying to tell me something new but he's using the only signs he knows and maybe when he gets louder, maybe that means I need to listen up and that I didn't get it right.... Oh what I'd give to be inside his head ;) but all of that to say that I am thankful for friends and family that can recognize his new steps and show them to me and then celebrate with us - even over toots on a toilet! Yes you read that right.... Because we all made a big deal about it! And he was telling us all about it...

There's so much more to fill you in on, but I'll save it for another post... Until then laugh loud and celebrate the little things!

A not so new confession...

Let's just get down to it. What do I "covet" most? What am I jealous of?
Kids that can talk, the ones that are 6 years old and able to speak with ease, and read and write and communicate with the world!
I mean I know that Tripp can do all of these things and I've never really thought about this towards him in any way (and that probably doesn't make sense but I guess that's ok to not make sense). Tripp is a chatter box, I took him to the eye dr yesterday. Which means we spent hours in the car together and he never stopped talking; spelling words and asking what he just spelled - He spells an entire sentence and you have to guess where the words start and stop (I guess he's hashtagging and doesn't even know it) and then he's on to something else. Asking where babies come from and why God is in heaven and why the sky is blue and blue is his favorite color and on and on and on jumping from one thing to another and his mind is always moving and his mouth is just trying to catch up, like most kids! But that doesn't make me jealous....
When I see kids Ty's age who communicate freely with their parents and families where all the siblings chat and play and even fight - that's when my heart becomes jealous. Not in a hateful or even an angry way - just jealous because I want that for Ty and for Tripp. For Tripp to have the freedom to talk and seek advice from his big brother, to share their hopes and dreams and talk about girls and to be able to strengthen each other in their faith when that time comes. And so when I see kids Ty's age just being themselves, I kind of become jealous. Some days it's less obvious than others - some days I don't even realize that I'm doing it, it shows up in the midst of life, when we are out and about and a child stares at us in walmart, or when we get a birthday invite from one of tripp's classmates and I wonder if that means Ty can come too? And then I wonder if I should ask if that means siblings are invited and if so do I need inform them on autism and the fact that Ty communicates differently, and then my insecurities take over and I abort the mission all together and decide that we will only go to parties where people know us- I mean that makes sense anyway because most party invites are required to be sent to the whole class and I guess I'm dodging an awkward situation there anyway... Right? Lol... I could list pages of life situations that make me jealous of the ability to talk but I think you probably understand what I am saying....
So tonight when we were at church and the preacher asked "what do we covet? The non-tangible things", a lot of things ran through my mind, but at the root of all these things was this, I covet and am jealous of kids Ty's age that can talk. And that is wrong, and I need to get over it... It creates anxiety, madness and unnecessary grief and all we are called to do is love and share the gospel, so who am I to covet anything? I should be grateful for all that we have and even if all I had was Jesus - He is MORE than enough! And I should be humbled and amazed by the fact that He loves even me...
So I guess I just felt like I should confess that tonight.... I hope it makes sense?! And if it doesn't just call, text or email me and I'll do my best to explain it

tolerance

Tolerance is a tricky thing. Depending on what erks us or sends us wishing for our happy place revolves a lot around what we can or should I say what we are willing to tolerate.
Last week was a pretty rough week for my little Ty man. He has issues with tolerance and we have been doing our best to curb his behavior when he is put in a situation that apparently sends him over the deep end. Ty hurt one of the kids in his class during PE last week. He did something he has never done and I do mean NEVER DONE. (He didn't leave any marks on the other student but still it was just unacceptable).This broke my heart into pieces. First of all for the other child, then the parents of that child and then the teachers. This is not like Ty at all - its just not him. The situation was handled very well in my opinion and since then we have talked with his teacher and racked our brains on what to do in the future to prevent this behavior, etc. and so far we haven't had another incident?! I'm going to keep praying that we won't. But the more I think about what happened the more I think about "how can we teach Ty tolerance" now I'm not talking, let everyone run over you and just follow the crowd and keep your mouth shut. I'm talking actual tolerance, knowing that something bothers you but handling it in a way that is socially acceptable or just morally right because lets just be honest, socially acceptable is borderline nuts these days anyway. So how do we teach Ty to chose morals over impulse? It's human nature to get mad and get even and to just express our opinion, even when its not warrented or just let words fly out of our mouths because we are mad about anything and everything. For example, I read an article today about Kaley Couco (Penny, from the Big Bang Theory TV show) and how so many "fans" of the show took to social media to express their dislike of her new hair cut - it apparently ruined some people's day and they felt the need to express that through insults and social media "bazingas". How crazy are we to think that we have a right to tell someone how they should or shouldn't wear their hair just because we may or may not like it? That's just nuts!
So where do we start with Ty, when the world around him is screaming "do what makes you feel good" "if someone makes you mad get even" "they irritate you so it's ok to hurt them" "he started it, you finish it" "how else can you get your point across since words are a challenge" "you have a learning disability so it's ok to act out" "we will ignore it this time because we feel sorry for you" "this behavior is typical for SPED classes" and the list could go on and on! Some people would say a few of these comments are being tolerant of those who can't control themselves due to special needs and I know a lot of people that would be very mad because of the ignorance in some of these comments and the manner in which they would most likely be said. But these so called tolerant comments cripple those that need more structure and more direction than the "typical" kids. Now I am not saying this is the way his school handled this situation - let me be clear - they handled it very well and I am very pleased with our  ability to communicate and work together to solve any issues that come up and the punishment that is given because of that situation. However, when people hear about situations like this, things that happen in a special needs class or with special needs students - most reactions are like the ones above...and sometimes given with a "well that's expected" kind of tone and expression (just to clarify-not everyone thinks these things! And I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people that have the same values and goals that we have, I'm just saying that society as a whole and especially on social media has this "well what do you expect" kind of attitude towards special needs individuals) and it just frustrates me because I expect and demand more from my boys. I expect them to  respect others and to love. So when they are mean, rude, hateful or hurtful to someone, even if it is unintentional - I want to correct it and replace it with a behavior that is acceptable and loving because my ultimate goal is to teach my boys how to intentionally love others in the name of Jesus.

So I guess I'm just saying I wish people were more intentional with their words and actions - and in a good way.  I am number one on the list to learn to be more loving and intentional with my words and actions towards others so please understand I am preaching to myself and just sharing my thoughts.

I mean honestly - of all those people who saw the big bang theory last night and decided to rant about "penny's new do" who would really say something ugly to her face? And why does it even matter if you don't like her hair? I'm sure she likes it and I'm sure she doesn't have time to search social media for people she doesn't even know personally just to comment about how she dislikes what they have done with their hair? How silly is that??? Why am I harping on this? I don't know - I guess it just showed me how messed up we really are and how we all need to chill out and focus on the people in front of us and choose our words wisely, to build each other up and encourage one another so that the love of Christ is shown to each and every person we meet.

And I will say again, I am definitely the one in need of this lesson to be intentional and loving to everyone  ;)

brothers...

Hello first grade!
So I'm a little behind on writing a new post. We have had a crazy summer and it seems like months pass by before I know it. So here we are in September and my boys are in 1st grade and k-5!? Is that even possible? Time literally flies by! I had a friend tell me once, that the days get longer and the years get shorter - how true that is!  Sam and I were talking about life last night and it seems like before we know it these sweet little boys will be grown!? It scares me a bit, ok a lot, to think about them getting older. Not because I want them to stay little but because I want them to be men of God and to love and care for everyone they come in contact with so that they will point others to Jesus! I know they will make mistakes and crazy decisions but my prayer is, that when they do mess up, they will rely on Him. My mind swarms with what that means for Ty and for his amazing little brother. How will all of this pan out? Tripp already loves his brother and is his biggest cheerleader! (They have their brotherly fights - but it turns to laughter just as quick as it did a fight). They know, more than anyone else, how to push each other's buttons AND how to arrange an incident that mom & dad can't decide who should get the punishment for, so they go down together in a no man left behind kind of fashion. Well I say they go down together - Ty is always trying to tell me something - I'm not quite sure if he's tattling or standing up to take the blame?! Lol it makes for an eventful discussion. One that Tripp usually tries to interpret  "mom Ty is saying he's sorry, look he's hugging me, he's trying to tell you he's thirsty and that's why he poured water on the bed, and the carpet, and the kitchen floor and all over the counter and.." I'll interrupt with "Tripp I heard you laughing and telling Ty 'here's your cup-get more' and you were right there with him making this mess" and they look at each other in such a mischievous way, eyes wide open with a slight smirk as they attempt to change the outcome of the soon to be wrath of mom or dad - and it almost makes my heart smile - because they are partners in crime - minor crimes of course. But non the less only a bond that two brothers would have and one that communication barriers can't break! Which also worries me a bit! What happens when Ty starts using real words and they still have this silent code?! I guess we will find out...
The older Ty gets, the more I look back on how far he has come! Or should I say how far we have come in understanding his world! We are currently off of medication and he seems to be doing really well. He is very attentive during activities at church and school. He has had a few behavior issues with hitting and kind of being a bully which I am not ok with. But we do our best to address this in a way he will understand and learn the right way to get someones attention or ask someone nicely to play with a toy, etc. Its still a work in progress but the melt downs haven't been too bad and he really is listening and trying his best to communicate what it is that has him so frustrated, upset or mad. He's also responded very well to "time-out"! This is huge for us! It's a big deal because it actually works. He will stand in a corner and hang his head when he knows he's done something wrong. Once he comes out of time out he rarely goes back to doing what got him there in the first place and if he does, he will even put himself back in timeout? I know that seems kind of crazy to be excited about this, but it shows us how much he understands what is going on around him. And for a child who can't tell you that he not only understands but that he also has an opinion on what's going on - it's a big deal ;) The day he starts to communicate in the "typical" way of using words - I'm sure we will all be amazed at what he's soaked up in that head of his! Until then we will continue to play charades, 20 questions and pictionary!!!

I've kind of just rambled on a bit about everything ... So I think I'll end on that. Thanks for reading!

ALL CAPS!!!

I think I am overwhelmed by the masses. So many people are angry about something, anything! We get mad when people lose weight and post pics on FB, Instagram, Twitter etc. we get mad when someone doesn't think like we do politically so we attack them with our words on social media and label them an idiot and enemy (because that is how we function these days) . We get mad when someone has more stuff than us because that means they are spoiled or selfish. We get mad mad mad just because .... And for what? What have we accomplished? High blood pressure and labeling ourselves as crazed maniacs? I've been trying to get myself to write a new post for Ty's blog and I just didn't want to because I don't want to come across as just another voice screaming at the masses.... Not to sound too cliche but "where's the love?" I see so many proclaiming Christians berating each other over things that don't matter. For example... I read a hilarious article that was written because a bunch of people got mad over directions someone posted on how to make a cake ? A cake? For a five year old? With a rainbow number 5 in it? Really? I thought the article was going to actually be about how to make the cake and as I read on and on and on I couldn't believe the comments and ended up laughing so hard I was crying because here we are fighting and throwing digs at each other on a cake baking website - I mean it got political and then out right mean FULL CAPS MEAN.... Lol what are we doing??? Why do we result to this? Why do we hate so much? Why are we really here? I believe we are here to serve and love others as Jesus did. Yes we are selfish, naturally. But I really think if we would just slow down and celebrate with each other on life accomplishments no matter if it's the same goal you are trying for and just haven't made it yet or not. Be happy for one another, genuinely FULL CAPS happy! Life wouldn't be so mean. Who cares if you haven't reached your goal? They are not shoving it in your face - they are just celebrating their own victories! I see it in the special needs community too, everyone is on edge and everything is directed indirectly towards someone or something and innocent questions get misconstrued and turn into all out blow out social media fights...we just need to all calm down a bit and think before we speak - give someone the benefit of the doubt, ask "what do you mean by that? Or could you rephrase that statement because I think I misunderstood you" instead of flying off the handle like a wild man or woman... Maybe if we wouldn't be so competitive and harsh .... Things wouldn't be so stressful...

Ty has this ability to just love FULL CAPS ALL OUT LOVE... I think everything he does is to the max and for that I am grateful, we are working on words and we are working on communication and he is coming along really well but I hope he never loses his joy of celebrating. He has the biggest grin,cutest squeal and loudest and longest clap when anyone celebrates and I think that's how we should be - no I am not saying to roll over and play dead and let people just do what they want - but pick your battles and fight clean (not that I am always an example of that bc I am not) but just think of how much nicer life could be if we stop threatening each other over stupid things like "how long do you freeze a cake" yes actual threats went out because someone said "til it's frozen" .... Come on people we can do better than this .... Don't take yourself to seriously, laugh a little and get back to loving people, even the ones we don't want too....
"By this everyone will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" john 13:35

So let's live an ALL CAPS IN LOVE WITH JESUS KIND OF LIFE!

I know this post wasn't completely about Ty but just to give an update in his summer stuff - he is going to therapy 3 days a week 2 days in summit and one in Hattiesburg and he loves his baby sitter! Tripp does too! They have played and played and played for the past month and I don't know if I will be able to convince them that school is fun lol! They both had a blast at VBS and I am so grateful for a church that loves on my boys! We are blessed beyond measure!!

Thanks for reading!

Disney...

I've heard a lot about Disney World and their policy change on allowing people with disabilities the right to skip lines at the theme parks. Here's the low down - apparently in the past if you had autism or another disability you were allowed access to the front of the line for the rides - I assume you would still have to wait if there was another individual and their group in front of you who also either had autism or another disability?? And now the rule is - that's no good anymore because people abused it. Well first off - how terrible that people would lie and abuse the system. Second - we need to calm down. Now there is a lot of backlash from the autism community over this change and people claiming discrimination and even suing Disney because of it? Really? I haven't personally been to Disney since college, and now that I've done the math in my head I won't tell you how long that's been BUT, Disney was always fun and most of the rides and the lines were overwhelming for a typical person, so I can imagine it would be a sensory overload to anyone with a disability especially autism. However, I don't think that gives you a right to sue. I do think it means that workers should be trained and ready to react in a pleasant way to anyone they come across, whether that's an unhappy screaming 2 year old or someone who is having a melt down because their mind and body physically can't handle whats going on around them. But not to sue. Disney is a business and they are a business that captures your attention and your pocket book from the moment you walk in the gates. From what I remember there are lots and lots of things to do and see and especially if it's your first time - then everything will captivate you! All of the movies and cartoons come to life and you enter a world that is filled with overpriced trinkets and lasting memories. But for an advocacy group to sue a theme park over waiting in line seems a bit much in my book. They do offer fast passes and from what I understand you can plan and maneuver through the park pretty easily with those? Yes waiting can cause meltdowns and an unhappy experience - but what if everyone that showed up at Disney had a disability and they all demanded to jump to the front of the line? How would they choose who got to go first? I'm not saying that this isn't hard and that being granted a straight shot to the front wouldn't be ideal, BUT come on? Let's also think about that family that is coming to Disney because cancer might take them and they want a fun memory. Or the one's that saved up and sacrificed for years just to make their kids happy. Disney takes planning - But demanding to go to the front of the line and not getting it, so you sue is not the answer. Last time I checked I was not given a pass at walmart to skip everyone because we don't like to wait in line, or any other store? But no one is suing them? Disney is suppose to be fun and we are all being a bit selfish and over reacting if this is what our focus is on? How about therapy and funding for schools? Let's advocate for that - not a front row seat to a theme park?


I'm sure I will get positive and negative reactions to this post and I get it. My intention is not to piss anyone off but to just give a different perspective. If they had done something harmful to someone it would be different. But from what I can see from the outside all they have tried to do is make people happy and we all know that you can't make everyone happy.