A not so new confession...

Let's just get down to it. What do I "covet" most? What am I jealous of?
Kids that can talk, the ones that are 6 years old and able to speak with ease, and read and write and communicate with the world!
I mean I know that Tripp can do all of these things and I've never really thought about this towards him in any way (and that probably doesn't make sense but I guess that's ok to not make sense). Tripp is a chatter box, I took him to the eye dr yesterday. Which means we spent hours in the car together and he never stopped talking; spelling words and asking what he just spelled - He spells an entire sentence and you have to guess where the words start and stop (I guess he's hashtagging and doesn't even know it) and then he's on to something else. Asking where babies come from and why God is in heaven and why the sky is blue and blue is his favorite color and on and on and on jumping from one thing to another and his mind is always moving and his mouth is just trying to catch up, like most kids! But that doesn't make me jealous....
When I see kids Ty's age who communicate freely with their parents and families where all the siblings chat and play and even fight - that's when my heart becomes jealous. Not in a hateful or even an angry way - just jealous because I want that for Ty and for Tripp. For Tripp to have the freedom to talk and seek advice from his big brother, to share their hopes and dreams and talk about girls and to be able to strengthen each other in their faith when that time comes. And so when I see kids Ty's age just being themselves, I kind of become jealous. Some days it's less obvious than others - some days I don't even realize that I'm doing it, it shows up in the midst of life, when we are out and about and a child stares at us in walmart, or when we get a birthday invite from one of tripp's classmates and I wonder if that means Ty can come too? And then I wonder if I should ask if that means siblings are invited and if so do I need inform them on autism and the fact that Ty communicates differently, and then my insecurities take over and I abort the mission all together and decide that we will only go to parties where people know us- I mean that makes sense anyway because most party invites are required to be sent to the whole class and I guess I'm dodging an awkward situation there anyway... Right? Lol... I could list pages of life situations that make me jealous of the ability to talk but I think you probably understand what I am saying....
So tonight when we were at church and the preacher asked "what do we covet? The non-tangible things", a lot of things ran through my mind, but at the root of all these things was this, I covet and am jealous of kids Ty's age that can talk. And that is wrong, and I need to get over it... It creates anxiety, madness and unnecessary grief and all we are called to do is love and share the gospel, so who am I to covet anything? I should be grateful for all that we have and even if all I had was Jesus - He is MORE than enough! And I should be humbled and amazed by the fact that He loves even me...
So I guess I just felt like I should confess that tonight.... I hope it makes sense?! And if it doesn't just call, text or email me and I'll do my best to explain it

tolerance

Tolerance is a tricky thing. Depending on what erks us or sends us wishing for our happy place revolves a lot around what we can or should I say what we are willing to tolerate.
Last week was a pretty rough week for my little Ty man. He has issues with tolerance and we have been doing our best to curb his behavior when he is put in a situation that apparently sends him over the deep end. Ty hurt one of the kids in his class during PE last week. He did something he has never done and I do mean NEVER DONE. (He didn't leave any marks on the other student but still it was just unacceptable).This broke my heart into pieces. First of all for the other child, then the parents of that child and then the teachers. This is not like Ty at all - its just not him. The situation was handled very well in my opinion and since then we have talked with his teacher and racked our brains on what to do in the future to prevent this behavior, etc. and so far we haven't had another incident?! I'm going to keep praying that we won't. But the more I think about what happened the more I think about "how can we teach Ty tolerance" now I'm not talking, let everyone run over you and just follow the crowd and keep your mouth shut. I'm talking actual tolerance, knowing that something bothers you but handling it in a way that is socially acceptable or just morally right because lets just be honest, socially acceptable is borderline nuts these days anyway. So how do we teach Ty to chose morals over impulse? It's human nature to get mad and get even and to just express our opinion, even when its not warrented or just let words fly out of our mouths because we are mad about anything and everything. For example, I read an article today about Kaley Couco (Penny, from the Big Bang Theory TV show) and how so many "fans" of the show took to social media to express their dislike of her new hair cut - it apparently ruined some people's day and they felt the need to express that through insults and social media "bazingas". How crazy are we to think that we have a right to tell someone how they should or shouldn't wear their hair just because we may or may not like it? That's just nuts!
So where do we start with Ty, when the world around him is screaming "do what makes you feel good" "if someone makes you mad get even" "they irritate you so it's ok to hurt them" "he started it, you finish it" "how else can you get your point across since words are a challenge" "you have a learning disability so it's ok to act out" "we will ignore it this time because we feel sorry for you" "this behavior is typical for SPED classes" and the list could go on and on! Some people would say a few of these comments are being tolerant of those who can't control themselves due to special needs and I know a lot of people that would be very mad because of the ignorance in some of these comments and the manner in which they would most likely be said. But these so called tolerant comments cripple those that need more structure and more direction than the "typical" kids. Now I am not saying this is the way his school handled this situation - let me be clear - they handled it very well and I am very pleased with our  ability to communicate and work together to solve any issues that come up and the punishment that is given because of that situation. However, when people hear about situations like this, things that happen in a special needs class or with special needs students - most reactions are like the ones above...and sometimes given with a "well that's expected" kind of tone and expression (just to clarify-not everyone thinks these things! And I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people that have the same values and goals that we have, I'm just saying that society as a whole and especially on social media has this "well what do you expect" kind of attitude towards special needs individuals) and it just frustrates me because I expect and demand more from my boys. I expect them to  respect others and to love. So when they are mean, rude, hateful or hurtful to someone, even if it is unintentional - I want to correct it and replace it with a behavior that is acceptable and loving because my ultimate goal is to teach my boys how to intentionally love others in the name of Jesus.

So I guess I'm just saying I wish people were more intentional with their words and actions - and in a good way.  I am number one on the list to learn to be more loving and intentional with my words and actions towards others so please understand I am preaching to myself and just sharing my thoughts.

I mean honestly - of all those people who saw the big bang theory last night and decided to rant about "penny's new do" who would really say something ugly to her face? And why does it even matter if you don't like her hair? I'm sure she likes it and I'm sure she doesn't have time to search social media for people she doesn't even know personally just to comment about how she dislikes what they have done with their hair? How silly is that??? Why am I harping on this? I don't know - I guess it just showed me how messed up we really are and how we all need to chill out and focus on the people in front of us and choose our words wisely, to build each other up and encourage one another so that the love of Christ is shown to each and every person we meet.

And I will say again, I am definitely the one in need of this lesson to be intentional and loving to everyone  ;)

brothers...

Hello first grade!
So I'm a little behind on writing a new post. We have had a crazy summer and it seems like months pass by before I know it. So here we are in September and my boys are in 1st grade and k-5!? Is that even possible? Time literally flies by! I had a friend tell me once, that the days get longer and the years get shorter - how true that is!  Sam and I were talking about life last night and it seems like before we know it these sweet little boys will be grown!? It scares me a bit, ok a lot, to think about them getting older. Not because I want them to stay little but because I want them to be men of God and to love and care for everyone they come in contact with so that they will point others to Jesus! I know they will make mistakes and crazy decisions but my prayer is, that when they do mess up, they will rely on Him. My mind swarms with what that means for Ty and for his amazing little brother. How will all of this pan out? Tripp already loves his brother and is his biggest cheerleader! (They have their brotherly fights - but it turns to laughter just as quick as it did a fight). They know, more than anyone else, how to push each other's buttons AND how to arrange an incident that mom & dad can't decide who should get the punishment for, so they go down together in a no man left behind kind of fashion. Well I say they go down together - Ty is always trying to tell me something - I'm not quite sure if he's tattling or standing up to take the blame?! Lol it makes for an eventful discussion. One that Tripp usually tries to interpret  "mom Ty is saying he's sorry, look he's hugging me, he's trying to tell you he's thirsty and that's why he poured water on the bed, and the carpet, and the kitchen floor and all over the counter and.." I'll interrupt with "Tripp I heard you laughing and telling Ty 'here's your cup-get more' and you were right there with him making this mess" and they look at each other in such a mischievous way, eyes wide open with a slight smirk as they attempt to change the outcome of the soon to be wrath of mom or dad - and it almost makes my heart smile - because they are partners in crime - minor crimes of course. But non the less only a bond that two brothers would have and one that communication barriers can't break! Which also worries me a bit! What happens when Ty starts using real words and they still have this silent code?! I guess we will find out...
The older Ty gets, the more I look back on how far he has come! Or should I say how far we have come in understanding his world! We are currently off of medication and he seems to be doing really well. He is very attentive during activities at church and school. He has had a few behavior issues with hitting and kind of being a bully which I am not ok with. But we do our best to address this in a way he will understand and learn the right way to get someones attention or ask someone nicely to play with a toy, etc. Its still a work in progress but the melt downs haven't been too bad and he really is listening and trying his best to communicate what it is that has him so frustrated, upset or mad. He's also responded very well to "time-out"! This is huge for us! It's a big deal because it actually works. He will stand in a corner and hang his head when he knows he's done something wrong. Once he comes out of time out he rarely goes back to doing what got him there in the first place and if he does, he will even put himself back in timeout? I know that seems kind of crazy to be excited about this, but it shows us how much he understands what is going on around him. And for a child who can't tell you that he not only understands but that he also has an opinion on what's going on - it's a big deal ;) The day he starts to communicate in the "typical" way of using words - I'm sure we will all be amazed at what he's soaked up in that head of his! Until then we will continue to play charades, 20 questions and pictionary!!!

I've kind of just rambled on a bit about everything ... So I think I'll end on that. Thanks for reading!

school updates and the rest of life...

K-5
Kindergarten is a whole new world for this momma, Ty has settled in and seems to really love being in big boy school! Pick up and drop off for school is a new adventure. Every morning we drop Ty off in the pick up line and one of the teachers walks him down to his class. He is always so excited and ready to go, almost jumping out of the car and pulling the teacher to his class. All of the teachers in the pick up line have been so sweet and Ty always seems to make them smile with his big grin and overflowing energy but I'm still learning to not be nervous about this and to not hold up the pick up line as I'm trying to watch him walk all the way out of sight. We have just always dropped the boys off in their rooms at the daycares, I don't know if it's just part of being a momma or if I'm over protective but I am doing my best to let him grow up and do big boy things?! I got to spend a few hours in his class about a week ago and see some of the fun things that they do, PE is his favorite (lots of freedom and playing with balls!ha)and from what I have heard nap time is his least favorite. He's eating really well at school and we are still working on potty training; but one day we will get there! The last couple of days at car pick up Ty has been getting mad when he gets in the car? He is happy walking up to us but once he gets in and I buckle him in his seat, all heck breaks loose, he screams and cries almost like he use to on our way to Hattiesburg for therapy? I don't really know what started this? It could just be that he is tired and doesn't want to be buckled in, but not knowing just really sucks? I'm sure we will figure it out soon.

Brotherly love.
Tripp has been loving K-4 and is apparently a whole different child in the classroom than at home. He never fusses or whines, listens to all of his teachers and brings home smiley faces every day and is quick to tell me which one of his friends didn't bring home a smiley face. I am not complaining and I am very glad that he is a good student! I just need to learn what they are doing so that he will act that way at home, ha! Tripp has been very sweet to Ty and everything that he does, he wants his brother with him (minus the few times at home that the brotherly love turns to fighting) but all in all it does my heart good to see them so involved with each other and playing and communicating in their own little world. Here's a fun story: I was in the kitchen fixing lunches one afternoon and all I heard was a lot of giggles and the chains from the swing rocking in the playroom. Just a normal day. This went on for about 20 minutes. Well, the next thing I hear is the chian popping and the swing crashing to the ground? I run in and see them both wide eyed and staring at me with the swing sitting under them and Tripp says "it broke momma, but it was just an accident" I tried not to get mad and then tried not to laugh because I imagine that Tripp was hanging on with his good arm, (he broke his left arm a month ago when he fell about 14 inches from our indoor trampoline) and then once he got it twisted up enough for it to spin on its own lifting his feet and swirling around like a mad man. I have to give him props for his creative genious. I have seen him do this before(and it is kind of funny), and we talked about only swinging the "proper way" because the swing could break. So before I could even get on to him he says "momma, you know if you twist it up to much it will break"?! and I just shook my head and said "that's right, let's not do that again ok". Oh the joys of these two boys!

New things
Some other things that Ty has been doing lately is saying new words and stacking blocks independently! He was at my dads last weekend and when his Grandy would count "1,2,3..." Ty would hold his hand out and say "un" aka "one!" followed by cheers and laughter. And then we were at his granna's house another day this week and he was stacking blocks 5 or 6 high, on carpet, until they would fall over. Then he would giggle, wait for us to clap and repeat the process. He was also using both hands to steady the blocks and not just slap them up there, which is something I haven't seen him do! So lots of fun stuff going on here. Church has been lots of fun for the boys. Ty loves to hear the band play on Wednesday nights and usually dances and sings and makes a lot of "eeeeEEEeee" noises, it really makes me want to take him to a concert! He has also been going to childrens church and mission friends with Tripp and having a blast. Last Wednesday night he came home with a hand print picture and Tripp had finger prints all over his page and Tripp was not satisfied until we hung them both up side by side on the wall. He was so proud of Ty and just kept saying "momma, look how good he did!" Oh how I love to see them encourage, play and love on each other!

I guess that's all I have for today! thanks for reading! I hope you have an amazing day!

just some thoughts

I read an article last night on facebook with an excerpt from a book written by a 13 year old boy, with autism, called "The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida. The article started out with David Mitchell a novelist who writes about learning to live with his son's autism. It goes into day to day stuff and some of it I can relate to and other parts I can't relate to at all. Just like Mitchell says in his spill about autism, every child is different so our experiences with autism will differ as well. Yes there are so many similarities and that's why we can have an official diagnosis that ranges in behaviors and abilities, it's just so broad and that's why its called a spectrum. That's also why it is so difficult to treat. He talks about all the different treatments and how you search and try anything you can get your hands on to help, to make since of it, to create that window of communication that will shape his world. And then I get to the part written by Higashida. Sam and I have had many discussions on why Ty has been diagnosed with Autism. He has great eye contact, pretty good social skills, loves to be around people, loves hugs and other things that typically you would not see in autism. Ty is happy, he giggles and tries so hard to communicate! So we have wondered what if its something else? But then he has had the typical signs early on and he does have the huge language barrier along with different quirks and small tantrums... but after reading the words from this 13 year old boy - I think us neurotypicals got it wrong (all the diagnosis criteria)... One thing is that people with autism prefer to be alone - He (Higashida)explains that the reason he goes off to be by himself is because he knows he is bothering those around him and he knows that they don't understand him and even though he wants to be near them, it's just easier to back off and give them space(these are my words but I'll paste the link so you can check it out). Another thing is repeating the same behavior - He says that he knows he isn't suppose to do that but it's out of his control and when he trys to control it and almost physically hurts. You can check out the link for the rest of the stuff ... So all of that to say, that I hope Ty never feels like he isn't wanted or that he is a bother. I pray that we will bring him up in an environment that focuses on all his abilities and strives to challenge him and pull all the good stuff out. I hope we learn from him and others like him how to really love and grow and become people that see each person as an individual and not as a diagnosis. To take that a step further I think we need to see each person not for how tall, short, skinny, fat, color, gender, background, religion or whatever else we may see ... but that we would see someone that God made. Someone He loves. Someone that Jesus died for and that we would pursue each person with the love and grace of God and nothing less.... http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jun/29/david-mitchell-my-sons-autism

school worries

Ty starts school Monday!?!? I am so excited, nervous, sad, happy and scared all at the same time!? I know that every parent probably goes through this as their child/children start school. I have so many worries...What if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't eat his lunch? What if I don't pack him enough for his lunch? How long will it take him to get use to the routine? Will his teachers understand him? Will he make friends? Will the kids play nice? Will he play nice? Will he take a nap? Will he leave his shoes on? Will he form new habits? What if he wonders off? .... I can go on and on.... but the main thing is, that up until now, Tripp has been with him. He has been our eyes and ears at the daycare to let us know if Ty had a good day or a bad day and to tell us what they did throughout the day. So what happens now?...

I want to know who his new friends are and who he played with on the playground, what he liked that he did that day, what he didn't like, who was nice, who was mean, what he wanted me to pack for lunch, what he learned, etc.... But unless I find some kind of high tech camera that they will allow me to strap to him and have a live video feed to my phone... I will just have to live with what the teachers and others tell me. I am partly ok with that... but there's just something about sitting down and having a conversation with him that would be so sweet. I love when I pick the boys up from the day care and Tripp has so many things to tell me - not all true - but still very entertaining stories! I usually can pull something out of him that really did happen during the day. Ty will chime in jabbering from time to time and can get to the point that he is just screaming and trying to out talk his little brother. I think those are the days that he is trying to tell me that Tripp's stories may not be completely true; whatever it is - I know he is trying to tell me something ... other times Ty will just sit and listen to everything Tripp says and glance out the window and say "bye-bye" to the trees we are passing, I'm guessing that these are the days that Tripp has more truth in his stories?! I don't really know? But the point is ... I am going to miss that... and I am going to miss the security of having them both together. Having Tripp there to help Ty and to help others understand Ty is something that I have taken for granted and now I am getting nervous. I'm not scared of the school or teachers or anything like that. I am actually very happy with the school and teachers and we found out that Dr. Bellapani (from Will's Way and The Children's Center) will be consulting with the school on behavior issues and I can't begin to express how awesome this is! She knows Ty and will be able to make sure he has a smooth transition and that hopefully there won't be very much regression because she will be able to correct behaviors that he will attempt to revert back to. Ty has a very mischievous way about him ... when he has a new teacher or therapists he does his best to get by with as little as possible. Once he knows, that they know what he can do, then he won't fight it and will do everything that's expected of him(within reason). So I'm not nervous or sad or scared because of all of that. It's just something new and I won't have my safety net. We will all be on new schedules and it's kinda mind boggling to process it all ... Tripp will be at a different school starting K4 and he hasn't really grasped why he can't go to school with Ty, he just knows that they are going to different schools this year. We have a had a few conversations about that and even though he is really excited about starting "big boy school" he still wants to know why he can't go to school with Ty. I sit down and explain that they won't be in the same class even if they were at the same school but I don't think he really understands that either... But with time he will.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want my little guy to talk to me. I know God has a plan and I know that one day I will sit down and have those conversations with Ty ... but I guess it would be nice to have a copy of that plan ... or least a piece of it...

Press on...

"press on towards the goal" ... this has been in my mind for a few days. The Bible says in Philippians to press on towards the goal, to forget about what is behind you and press on to what is ahead. It seems simple. Don't look back, just continue to focus on what is in front of you and everything else is just history. Right?! I think about scary movies and how there always seems to be that one silly girl that just has to turn around and see what's chasing her and then .... well, you know, things just don't work out for her in the end. If she would have just kept her eyes on the exit and ran towards it without turning around, she woulda made it!(maybe) But that never makes for a good scary movie, so they always turn around....(just had the "turn around, bright eyes" lyrics run through my mind,.... and now your singing it...)

But if we think about life and about all the things that drag us down and all the "remember whens" that pop into our heads that make us have regrets or a new lapse in judgment ... what if we just pressed on? What if we didn't worry about what could have been and what should have happened? I know I can get bogged down in the "what if's" of this life.  There are so many people, websites, Dr's, blogs, TV shows, movies, etc - telling us how to live - what "normal" looks like, what "marriage" looks like etc....etc .... But I know that the only Truth that I truly believe and that I should truly count on day in and day out... is The Word of God. So why is it so hard to stay focused and on track?

Autism isn't easy ... but it is a lot easier than other things that we could be facing. So I guess it's time for me to be thankful for Autism - now just because I typed this does not mean that I have convinced myself of this idea completely - but it is something I am working on. I should be thankful for all the things that come with it. I have two happy and very healthy little boys. I sometimes worry about them and wonder how their relationship would be different if Ty could talk and didn't have the barrier that autism places on his relationships ... would he be included in more things because he was able to ask to participate or would he not want to do them because its not something that interests him? Would he and Tripp still have that brotherly love that is so evident or would there be more sibling rivalry... would they have a stronger bond or would it be the same? Would we go more places? I could go on for days, but all that to say... how can I press on towards the goal when I'm stirring up so many questions? Who cares what anyone else says. We were all created to give glory to God and I plan to strive to teach my two boys just that. Now I am not perfect and I am not saying that I have all the answers or that I follow all the rules ... but Jesus never said that once you know everything - then you will be saved... He said to believe & confess .... I believe He can and will do great things with my family and I am excited to see what He has in store for us ...

I know I haven't been on this journey long and I know that I have a long way to go... but if you are anything like me and you are just beginning to face a new diagnosis or challenge in your life.  You may just hit it head on and start reading and diving into every book, website, Dr, therapist, teacher, and parent you know searching for answers, searching for a cure, searching for the latest and greatest therapy.  But really it all boils down to one thing - well first let me say - yes those things are good, but don't let it consume you, all advice is not always good advice, and just because it's on the Internet or in a book doesn't mean it's a good idea... I'm sure you know that, but sometimes we get desperate... but you should also know that God is real and whether you believe in Him or not, He loves you and He wants to have a relationship with you.  He is the reason I can do this.

love yall! and thanks for reading!

Graduation

As usual there is a lot going on and I'm not sure how or where to start?! Ty graduated from The Children's center at USM and it is definitely bitter sweet! He has come a long way from that first session, I remember him being so distracted by every little thing: doors opening and closing, voices in the halls, cabinets in the room, etc. He was also the only one in his group for a while and would have multiple "small tantrums" (just slinging things or refusing to do what was asked) throughout his 2 hour sessions. But he came around and once he learned the routine he enjoyed going to therapy! Then we met Andrew and his awesome momma, Ty and Andrew were so much alike, it was fun to watch them enter act and get excited over the same things! You could almost see it in their eyes...it's like they knew that they were on the same page! Then Ty ended up in a new group with two new friends and lots of challenges. He had to learn how to wait his turn and share all while still focussing on communication and sensory needs. He has come a long way, sitting patiently (in an open chair) and sharing, pointing to things he wants or needs, eating snacks without pulling his food out, using a napkin, drinking out of a cup, he's been following directions and using sign language and some words to communicate... There's so much that he has learned through the past 2 years and I'm not sure how I will handle this next transition, I'm not sure how he will handle it either...We have been very blessed to have been introduced to all the amazing therapists at USM, Will's Way and our amazing South Florida friend! I don't know where we would be without them!? The more days that go by, the more I realize that Ty will be in Kindergarten this August, the more I worry about the future...I have so many questions and concerns...

 But I think it's best if I just write about my hopes... I hope Ty is loved and cared for at school, I hope he makes friends and that he is challenged to reach his full potential, I hope that parents continue to teach their children how to love and accept others, no matter what challenges they face...I hope that teachers will have extreme patience with all their students and especially those that struggle to stay focused and on task...and I really hope that Ty loves school as much as he loves going to therapy... 

Tripp has been an amazing little brother in all of this and I am so lucky to have such a caring and loving 4 year old, he encourages Ty in all the little things and initiates conversation and playtime, he wants Ty to participate in everything he does- and that means the world to me... I call Tripp an old soul and he really is an old man trapped in a 4 year olds body most days! ;)

 Our families & friends have been extremely helpful in getting Ty where he needed to be and helping us physically get him there and constantly encouraging us to do the best for him and I hope you know how much we appreciate all you do! And to our amazing church family! Words cannot express how much we love each and every one of you! Thank you for encouraging Ty and including him in so much and pushing me to let him do more :)

 We have a whole new adventure starting and I am ready to strap in and see where God takes us! Thanks for reading!!! I love y'all!

Love

It seems like autism has been on the front of most folks minds lately. I have had high school students call for interviews they need for reports/projects for school and others, of all ages, have just had general questions. I like to hear questions about autism and I like to discuss our life as a family and I like when people are genuinely interested in what goes on with Ty and kids like him. I love when I can tell that our conversation switches from "is she ok talking about this" to "ok now for the deep questions". Recently I was asked if i think people with autism can love. My immediate respond is YES, why wouldn't they?! This question has hung around in my head for a while and I keep coming back to scripture. The Bible says that love is patient and kind... 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. What I have realized is that people with Autism love deeper and more clearly than any "normal" person ever could. When most people talk about love its always an emotion, when really its an action and something that is learned not given to us at birth. I mean think about it, from day one we enter the world looking out for ourselves and trying to satisfy needs and desires that we have. I am reading a book that was recommended to me by a friend called "the speed of dark" by Elizabeth moon. It tells a story from the perspective of a young man with autism. He is very straight forward and honest in everything he does, mainly, because to do otherwise doesn't make sense. One example- He was late for work so he stayed late to the minute because it would bother him for weeks if he didn't. He isn't mean to others, even those that we consider annoying... He just sees them as different. Aren't we all unique?! For anyone to say that Someone else is incapable of love is to say that, they themselves are incapable of love because by the biblical definition Love does not boast, it's not self seeking, keeps no record of wrong. So if we are looking at what someone else can or cant do isnt that boasting or in a small way saying "im better than you" just because of some small irregularities or tics or stems and if all we want to do is label one another... Can we really love? I'm not saying that it is wrong to say "someone has autism" or to talk about what that means or to attend therapy and discuss life with autism but it is wrong to judge and say that we are better just because someone is different .... So yes I believe they know how to love and are capable beyond what our minds can comprehend ...

speed bump

Communication is a touchy subject when it comes to autism. It is a necessity for daily living and when you're not affected by the inability to communicate you take the ability to communicate for granted and it almost becomes a reflex. Most people go to bed talking, texting, tweeting, facebooking, emailing and chatting with the world and then wake up the next morning doing all the same things again. I know I have issues with knowing when to keep my mouth shut?! I never have to stop and think about how to form words or how to use hand signals to express my needs so that someone else will understand me. There are so many people out there who struggle to communicate on a daily basis. When faced with autism, communication barriers come in a variety pack: the inability to form words, knowing how to mimic words but not really ask for things, not being able to read social cues and not being able to control body movements can really hinder a conversation.
Ty struggles daily with communication.  It is hard for him to get his point across but it's not for lack of trying! He babbles a lot and "talks" to us constantly.  Sometimes its in a normal tone but he does get animated when he is trying to get his point across. If he wants to go outside, he will run to the door and jiggle the handle then run to me and "talk" while pointing at the door and if we don't go outside then he will run and throw himself on the couch while screaming and peeking out of the corner of his eye just waiting for me to give in, sometimes I do.  Ty does have some hand signs that he uses to get what he wants and he does have a few words: more, momma, ball, iPad, my iPad, bye bye, papaw, uh ah(no), bird, mine, bread, bite. When he talks it's not always crystal clear, most of the time his words are squished together and not finished. So "bird" comes out "birrrr", "momma" is said clearly, "iPad" is "iPaaaa"  - you get the idea. He has a hard time finishing his words. I'm not sure if it's because of a lack of strength in his muscles located in and around his mouth or if it's just something that isn't connecting during the "thought-muscle-action" process(I know that's not the technical term but you know what I mean)? Whatever the cause may be, it makes for a struggle on his end. I've been asked many times "Will Ty ever talk?" That's a hard question to hear and to answer. Most days I answer with the positive "Yes, I think he will. He already is forming words and sounds and trying really hard to communicate, and these are all signs of communication and basic steps of learning how to talk. So yes." I go on to talk about how most babies and toddlers that are learning to speak babble first and then mimic and then start to form sentences and for Ty it's just a slower process but that he is following in those steps, which is promising. I never want to be pessimistic when it comes to Ty and the things he struggles with, the Bible says that our words have power and that what we speak over someone can become reality. So I want to be careful when I talk about Ty and his future (and Tripp too). Don't get me wrong, I have wondered and I have questioned, and I have cried and I have prayed a lot! But I never want to say "well this is good enough" because I know that Ty can and will do amazing things so why would I limit him to what my mind can comprehend?
Some people have asked me to teach them how to talk to Ty. I love that there are people who want to get involved with my little man and that seek to be a part of his world. I don't know how to go about this? I guess the first thing I would say is to just listen to him and talk to him as you would any other child. He will talk to you and he will grab your face and make sure you are looking at him while he talks to you. (that always makes me laugh out loud). Ty understands just about everything we say. We didn't always know this but now that we do, things are a little less hectic around our house. I can ask Ty to go get something and bring it to me and he will do it, I can tell him to throw something in the trash and he will do it, I can tell him what's going on and he understands. He doesn't always agree with me (what child does) but he understands what we are saying. This is huge! When we finally realized that he knew what we were saying, we had a whole new game plan. We give Tripp a lot of responsibilities and require a lot of him because we know that he can do it and because we want him to be challenged, learn and grow. The same thing goes for Ty, but with Ty we didn't want to require something of him that we weren't sure he could do and I think he was trying to tell us "hey I can do that too!" but we weren't listening. One night I sent Tripp in the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, he goes and gets a cup and then holds it to the dispenser in the fridge and fills up his own cup. Well Ty came up to me with a an open cup (we still use sippy cups) and starts "talking" to me, so I said "sure you can get some water too." His face lit up, I had to help him push to get the water to come out, and then he stood there gulping the water as it spilled down each side of his cheek. We did this two or three times. When he was done I gave him a paper towel and asked him to help me clean up the mess and not only did he clean it up but he also threw his paper towel in the trash!? I sat back amazed, not just that he did all of that, but that I have been to blind to see it before. So the student becomes the teacher! Communicating with Ty is a learning process and there is no precise science to it. We learn on a daily basis and I encourage you to find someone that you have a hard time communicating with, and just spend a little time with them, listen to them, watch them, they will eventually show you what they know and you will learn how to communicate in a whole new way. Yes, communication is a speed bump in the life of someone with autism, but if you slow down and ease over it, you don't really notice the bump but you get to enjoy the ride!

thanks for reading! :)

Autism & the love of God

We have the most amazing church family!! I know I have written about them many times but I want to be sure that everyone knows how much it means to us to be a part of this church. We live in a rural area in south Mississippi and we are blessed to be able to serve along these amazing people! If you are reading this and you don't like religion or believe that God exists, I hope you will be open minded to what I have to say. I believe that Jesus came and died for our sins and that He rose again, paid our debt and when we choose to give our life to Him, we will be saved! That being said, the church or those that represent the church as a whole can get a bad a wrap. We have seen it in the news with people claiming to know God and claiming to do His will but their actions and words say otherwise. I'm not here to debate this and I don't want to force anyone to believe in Jesus. But I hope that everyone has a chance to encounter Him and make their own decision.
In our little church we have seen the love of God at work. We are surrounded by people who love us and pray for us on a regular basis and who genuinely care about the lives of people in this world. We have the most amazing preacher who has shown us all how to be a church, how to love, give and not judge and how to seek God. I have never seen someone so passionate and caring. He has an amazing wife and two kids that support him and are some of the most sacrificial people I know. I hope that as we get older, we will follow in their footsteps. The people that come to our church are all so willing to do whatever needs to be done. They love and encourage each other and help one another, serve the community and reach out to those who need it.  We have never had a need come before the church that could not be met in some way. There are children, youth, young adults and those older than young adults (i love yall) that all participate and seek to do what God wants them to do. The youth group is so loving and accepting, they care about each other and love to have a good time!  I work with our youth and kids at church along with other volunteers and everything that needs to be done is always taken care of and most times it's more than enough! I'm not just talking about money, these people pray and PRAY and PRAY... if you don't believe in prayer I want to challenge you to give it a chance. The bible says if you ask according to His will, you will receive. If we want/need something that is in line with God's will, He will provide and most times He will provide in abundance of what we could ever imagine!
This past Sunday was super bowl Sunday, at our church it is "Souper Sunday". This has been going on for some time and everyone brings soup and snacks and we have lunch after church and have always taken up a donation and given it to the youth or to a need in the community. Last year they called it Souper Sunday for Ty and everyone wore their blue shirts and they gave a love offering to help us with Ty's therapy. I cried the day they called to ask if we were ok with this, and I cried the day of souper sunday. (i'm not one to cry in public). So this year when they wanted to do it again, I tried to prepare my self emotionally so I would not cry at the drop of a hat. I struggled with being on the receiving end of a love offering and I prayed alot. I prayed for prayers, if that makes any since. I just want so much for Ty and Tripp and I know that through prayer all things are possible.
Walking into choir practice I saw nothing but blue shirts and I almost broke down right there...During the Sunday service, there is always a children's story, the kids come down and Bro Joel or Mrs Anita will talk to the kids about something and typically have a visual aid, magic trick, etc. (just to give you some logistical details - Sam and I sit in the choir and Tripp is usually out in the congregation with the grandparents and Ty is in the nursery). When it was time for the children's story, one of the youth sitting next to me got up and left.... and then she returned with Ty for the children's story... (this was not normal) I turned to look at Sam and he did the same (as if we could read each others mind, "I'm thinking, do you know whats going on?" not really sure what he was thinking) and then we just sat and listened to the children's story. Bro Joel made some puzzle pieces for the kids to put together and it had John 9:3 painted on them, once the kids put them together he told them about the story of the blind man in John chapter 9:
 When Jesus' disciples ask him "who sinned, this man or his parents that he was born blind" and Jesus tells them "no one sinned but this happened so that the works of God may be displayed in him" then Jesus heals the man and the man comes back and worships Jesus. He talks about autism and how there are lots of things that we don't understand but God has a plan.
By this time I am already tearing up and before I know it streaming tears and then everyone is looking at us bc we were asked to come down front and he & the church were gonna pray for our family. I can't tell you how much it means to us that people pray and how it helps us to know that there are others interceding on our behalf and for Ty on a daily basis?! That means more to me than anything in this world! Then we went down for lunch and had an amazing time visiting everyone and they presented us with a love offering ... speechless does not even begin to describe how I\we felt... I still don't know how to thank them ...I don't know how to express our gratefulness?!

You might be wondering what this has to do with autism or what this has to do with proving that God exists? Well a lot... so many people with autism or any disability feel isolated, families included... they feel like outcasts when it comes to daily activities because "normal" people just don't understand them and choose to look away rather than look with in. Some people choose to judge others parenting skills or just stare awkwardly at an outburst by a child who has no real form of communication.  But our family, friends and church family have been so accepting to Ty! Even the kids and youth - I know they don't always know what to say or how to respond to some of Ty's antics but they want to be a part of his life and they want to play with him and love on him and nothing proves God's love more than that! I've seen kids, youth and adults come in the nursery on a Sunday morning and sit down and play with Ty and "talk" with him even when Ty gets in their face and just jabbers loudly - they talk to him, they don't run or ignore him, they look him in the eye and chat with him... If everyone in the world just stopped to listen to someone that we do not understand, what kind of place would this be? If we weren't afraid of things that we don't understand? If we didn't ignore issues and addressed them face to face... what could we learn? What could we show this world!!?? I think we would show them the love of God! Who better to follow than the man that hung out with outcasts! Selflessness is one of the hardest things to accomplish but it is our biggest testimony! We are surrounded by people with an attitude of selflessness and filled with the love of God! We are blown away by the love and gifts given to us by this amazing group of people and I hope that somehow I can express that in this post. Please know that we love all of you from the bottom of our hearts!!! We can't thank you enough for every prayer and every smile and hug that you send our way. We are blessed beyond measure! And I hope in someway I can return the favor :)

The Media...

I really don't like the media ... there are so many reasons but right now I am going to focus on Autism. The media does not tell the whole story on Autism (or anything else). Some will tell you all about the amazing talents and savant abilities while others show you mass murderers and call them mentally ill and psychotic?! This hurts my heart because it tells you nothing about Autism. I use to think that kids/people with autism where geniuses, all of them. That they had a large vocabulary and could learn anything in a matter of seconds but that they were just a little socially awkward. This is partially true and that's the problem with the media. We watch movies, tv shows and read articles that give us these stereotypes and then accept them as truth. We accept something to be true without really investigating ourselves. We are to busy to stop what we are doing until it hits us head on, then we read and research. I know it is true for me. I didn't really want to know about autism until it slapped me in the face and I still don't know everything but here is what I do know:

Autism is so much more than being really smart. Yes I have found that kids diagnosed with autism are very intelligent but so many of them struggle with daily activities. At times it is hard to speak because there is so much more going on with their bodies to even try and form words and have conversations. If you are in starvation mode, not just missing a meal but literally starving, then your body seeks food first and everything else is just nonsense until that need is met.

In the same way your body seeks food when it's hungry, sensory needs take priority. They need input, kind of like a lamp has to have some kind of power source, people with autism need a certain amount of sensory input to feel balanced and to be able to function. Ty loves deep pressure. He wants to be squeezed, tossed in a bean bag and wrestled with. Every person is different and a sensory need for one may not be a need for another. Ty also loves loud noises (to my knowledge - this is not common), he will bang cabinet doors, spin metal bowls and dump out toy boxes just for the clanking and banging sounds.

Eating is a struggle on so many levels.  For us it started with getting past textures, it was months before we could get Ty off of baby food and soft foods into solids. He still prefers breads and we cut his food into really small pieces at meal times. He can still be a very picky eater and something that worked yesterday may not work today for a variety of reasons but you learn to go with the flow and just have lots of options.  We celebrate meal times that are without any mishaps! It's the small things that we learn to focus on and regression is an ugly enemy that we fight. Pulling food out that has been chewed and throwing it on the floor is not as common as it once was but it's still there from time to time. Drinking out of a cup is something we are also working on, he has graduated to a big boy sippy cup and we are pretty much past drooling while drinking but he hasn't concurred drinking out of a regular cup without being drenched in the drink or gagging because it came out to fast. That doesn't mean he doesn't try! He can spot an unattended cup a mile away and do his best to suck it down before we can get to him. If he is quiet in the kitchen, we know he is up to something. :)  There are so many families that have similar struggles.  Allergies are a hot topic with Autism. The Gluten Free Casein Free Diet is something that I am sure everyone hears about and tosses around the idea. It works for some but not everyone. If your body is allergic to something it can cause alot of different things anything from a bad attitude to going into epileptic shock. Some people find the the GFCF diet frees their child from the behaviors that come with autism. Which then allows them to focus on language and other therapies. We have tried it but nothing changed for us. Not to say it won't work for you? I think anything is worth a shot at least once. But if you are thinking about this diet, you have to be all in or you will never know if it really works. Supplements are also a huge help! We love to use a drink called "Spark" that helps with mental focus and pro biotic supplements to assist with his digestion but everyone is different and I know that what works for some may not work for others.

Joint compression is another need that we attempt to meet on a daily basis. Alot of kids with autism love to jump and Ty is definitely one of those. Trampolines are great for therapy! It helps him get all the joint compression he needs and he loves it!

Swinging is a must in our house. Ty has always loved to swing, as a baby he would get mad if we removed him from his infant swing. So he literally had to grow out of it before we would remove it from our home. We graduated to Little Tike's swings in our play room and now we are using a hammock swing! Swinging sooths him like nothing else!

Language is tough. Some kids have an infinite vocabulary. Others struggle to say "hello". Ty desperately tries to communicate with us and is constantly getting our attention to have a conversation. He has a handful of words and he has recently learned how to nod his head for "yes" and shake his head for "no". He can say "momma", "iPad", "my iPad", "more", "uhah"(no), "ball", "bird", "papaw", "pabby"(but we don't use this any more - that's a whole nother story), and I am sure I am missing some but you get the gist. The main way he communicates now is by pointing and babbling until we understand what it is he wants. We have to make a point to pull the words out of him. If he can say something then we have to wait him out or he just won't talk. He will yell and fake cry to get his point across and to tell us that he's thirsty or wants his iPad but if we give in, then he will never use his words. I don't know if it's just that hard to get them out or if he's just testing us to see what works? Either way we have to be strong and wait for him to say or sign the things that we know he can and to challenge him to learn new ones.

There is alot of therapy time that comes with Autism. ABA therapy - Applied Behavioral Analysis, Speech Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Physical therapy are just a few. ABA therapy is my favorite, it is the one that really works best for Ty. It challenges him the most - I probably won't explain this right - and Maria help me out if you're reading this :). But the short version is that you find a behavior you want to replace and through a rewards system replace that behavior with a new one. You can also create a new behavior (signing, talking, etc) by using the reward system to bring that behavior out of him. I hope that makes since? It's not easy and it takes someone who knows what they are doing and who can resist his sweet southern charm but it works! Oh man does it work!

Sleeping is a constant struggle. Ty is now sleeping pretty good compared to where we started but going to sleep is a fight and staying asleep is not always easy? We have tried lots of things and are currently using melatonin to help him go to sleep some nights. There have been a few nights that he has slept in his room all night but most of the time he wakes up and comes to our room and sleeps with us until about 6:30am and then he is ready to wake up the world! I have found that most people with autism have some kind of sleep problems and the common recommendation is melatonin first and I'm not really sure what step comes after that?

But basically I am telling you all of this to say, Autism is not what I thought it was. It's not just being crazy smart! And my heart breaks every time I hear of a mass shooting and then they want to draw attention to the fact that the shooter was mentally ill and had autism. I really don't think that has anything to do with the tragedy. Unfortunately there are horrible things in this world. I am a firm believer in God and His son Jesus and because of that I know that Satan is real and alive in our world and that he will do anything to harm and deceive us. Let's not be deceived, lets look right through the media and let's see people as God intended. We are all His creation and whether you choose to believe in God or not, you have that option. But for those of you who do believe, God calls us to LOVE. To love everyone. So for me I really don't like the media because it causes me to see things in a way that I know is not true.

I saw a movie recently, one of the characters appeared to have autism. At one point in the movie he said that he hated God because he made him like this. And I broke, I cried and I wondered - what if Ty feels that way when he grows up? So many thoughts ran through my head. That's when I had to stop and tell myself, "it's just a movie". How many times do we all get caught up in the what ifs that we miss the right now? I know I do.... so yeah the media can put fear in anyone just look at all the chaos we are in right now? And why? Now I'm not trying to blame the media for all of our problems because I am the one that allowed myself to think those thoughts... but it just puts things back into perspective, I need to focus on the here and now not that what may be! :)


thanks for reading!
feel free to comment or correct me on anything that may be wrong :)

Resolution

Resolution by definition is a formal decision to do or not to do something.  I've never really been one to make resolutions with the new year. Mainly because I know that at some point I will most likely find interest in something else or give up on ever being skinny, etc lol. However, this year is different, lucky 13 I suppose but this year I am going to challenge myself. I decided that if I share with the world (the 50 or so people that keep up with me on here) then I will be more accountable. I want to do a lot of things but first and foremost I want to educate others on autism. When we began this journey I read books, scoured the Internet, talked with friends and family, called parents of children that had autism, talked with friends of friends and soaked up any and every drop of information I could find. I still research and I still talk with friends and family, Dr's and therapists and I still feel like there is so much more to learn. The fact that Ty is starting school this August has me in somewhat of an overdrive mode. I want so many things for him but south Mississippi is really behind when it comes to teaching kids with autism and any special need. I've thought about moving, but how can I uproot my family? We have such an amazing support group here and our church is just flat out amazing! I really don't think we should run from a lack of services. Instead I want to enhance the services in our area. Why not, right?! It sounds easy in my head. I know it will be hard and it will cost a lot of money. But why not try? So my formal decision for 2013 is to educate others and create a place that Ty and kids like him can learn without the worries of "the system".

Now I know that I don't know everything and I know that I can only educate someone with the amount of knowledge that I already posses. So I will also be educating myself so that I can pass that education on to others. I am new to this and we are just getting started with the whole idea of "real school" so I am always open to any advice and suggestions on how to go about this whole process.

For those of you that may be reading this and need somewhere to start. www.austismspeaks.org is an amazing website. If you live in South Mississippi, we love The Children's Center at USM and Will's Way Behavioral on old 11 in Hattiesburg. Just somewhere to get the ball rolling.

thanks for reading! and wish us luck!

transition into school

So most of our journey with Ty has been in home therapies and the amazing Children Center at USM in hattiesburg. We recently added Will's Way of hattiesburg to his weekly list as well.  But it wasn't easy getting here.  I learned real quick that if you want something for your child then you will have to fight for it.  There are places and centers that are just amazing (those listed above for example) but there are also schools and centers that have great programs and are not willing to let you in because of where you live.  It shouldn't be like this. I feel that children with special needs should be allowed to choose the school that fits their needs. If every school put forth the same effort then there would be no need for this. However, most schools do just enough to get by. I have been told that they(a school) only have to provide a "Chevrolet" of services and not a "Cadillac"?! Really?! This infuriates me, how can you tell me that you are providing just enough therapy and services to get by, just enough to keep people off your back and that you are not willing to fight and provide the best??? How can I willingly allow my child to attend a school that has basically told me that they don't want to work, they don't want to challenge Ty to get the best out of him?! I know lots of teachers and I think they are all amazing to even go into this profession and special needs teachers are even held higher in my book. I know it's hard but don't take it out on the kids. I know that teachers aren't given the credit they deserve and that it is a job that comes with few rewards but know that this momma appreciates a good teacher. I know that if you teach you deal with so much more than classroom prep and children. You get worn out, you wonder if its worth it. But if you touch one life because you did your best, then it is worth it all!

I think that schools should be held higher standards and that one school should not be better than another, especially within a 30 mile radius. Why would they not all be able to offer the same services. Why would they not be able to offer the best services? Why would they not want to??? I just don't get it. It's going to be so hard to send Ty to Kindergarten in August. I am worried about him regressing, I worry about him not being cared for properly, what if he isn't challenged? What if they mistreat him? What if they don't care? I can fight for a lot of things and I will. But it shouldn't have to come to that. It shouldn't come down to IEP meetings and arguing to get something that my son needs and that other children like him need. Administrators shouldn't be seen as barriers to get through to get into good places. I shouldn't have to search for loop holes. Everyone wants the best for their children so why is the best dangled on a string and only the one that jumps the highest or grabs a ladder gets the prize?

I have made phone calls and been in "interviews" trying to get Ty into the best place I can find. But I feel like I'm on trial, trying to prove that he needs it?! Trying to explain what he can and can't do and what I think he needs. At the beginning of these meetings I am nice and try my best to ask all the right questions and get all answers I need without breaking into a female version of The Hulk. At the end of these meetings, I often feel like they look at me as a problem. They see me as someone who will not be satisfied so then why would they want to deal with me? Shouldn't they want parents that are involved? Shouldn't they also want my son to receive the best care possible so that he can learn and grow and be loved???

I'm all over the place in this post but I have so much to say and I am doing my best to say it without being offensive?! lol

On another note we are currently in a new Daycare center and things are wonderful! They have really taken to Ty and he seems to be doing really well :) And like I said earlier we are also still at the Children's Center and Will's Way in hattiesburg and things are going great there too! :)

thanks for reading! :)

free speech isn't all that free

So I'm not the type to back down from a fight, most would agree that I can argue and go toe to toe with just about anybody - or they would at least agree that I think I can and that I will surely not back down until I felt my point has been made and whatever it is I am fighting for has been accomplished.  That being said, I still think daycare sucks and "the system" is trying but it's a joke when it comes to kids with special needs of any kind.
There are people out there who really try and there are people who really care. We have met and we have worked with and still work with lots of people like this, but we have fought to get there.  The past week has been a little crazy to say the least.  There are alot of things I would like to tell you and alot of names I would like to write, and on a bad day I may do just that. Heck if you catch me in public I might tell you what I think. But not here... free speech isn't all that free. Yes I can say what I want but then "someone" may or may not agree with it and then ... well thats just something i'd rather not waste my time on at the moment...
I have bigger battles and I would rather my attention be focussed on the task at hand - my boys.  Ty is the reason I started this blog and I will continue to fight for everything he needs and if my name becomes mud because of it I really don't care.  I won't stand by knowing that there are educators and care givers who only want to do enough to get by, please if you are reading this and debating on a career in the world of a special needs child or individual or a job caring for any living individual - but are only doing it for the money or recognition.... please don't do it... if you don't love kids, if you don't love people.... don't assume this is easy - you need to be a strong person mentally, at times physically strong, you have to be patient, slow to anger, you have to have a huge heart, etc.... if you are lacking in any of these I don't mean to sound harsh. But please consider a new career or job, don't passively assist children who seek for every inch of you and who need not only your full and undivided attention but who also need a place in your heart. Children are gifts from God and they should be cherished, every child, even those that are hard to understand.

We are still searching for someone to watch the boys and have a few leads so prayers are definitely appreciated ... thanks for reading

And I appreciate all of the love & support over the past week from all of you! You have no idea how much it means to me and our family! I love yall

Daycare....

Well, I'm mad, pissed, ticked off....Daycare sux! The whole thing is a racket, they take advantage of the fact that most working couples or single parents need them and then they run with it. So we are on our 5th daycare (Ty is 4 Tripp is 3): our first sitter was awesome, but then she got a job :) we still love her though. Then lets just say the next 3 didn't work out for various reasons (we weren't kicked out, but timing with Ty's diagnosis  made us continue to search for a new place.) The daycare the boys were at recently...was great, up until now. I mean really we are an ideal customer - Ty only goes monday and friday and every now and then he will go for a few hours on tuesday and wednesday in the morning before therapy, it just all depends on whose taking him and everyones schedule, etc. (we pay full price) But lately they have called me on the days he's there a full day and asked me to come get him bc he is crying and they don't know whats wrong.  This typically happens at nap time. I've talked with them about it and they have said that nothing has changed and they want to blame it on his therapy schedule and him being at two places messes up his schedule at daycare. Now I know that routine is good, but Ty has done great there he would even walk to his mat and lay down for a nap, so something changed and they claim nothing has on their end? However I know that they switched his nap room and that he isn't allowed a pillow or blanket? They've been at this daycare for over a year and Ty has had some bad days, but now it's daily (the two days he goes full time) I have met with them and met with them about how to work with Ty. I have offered his iPad and other options to just get passed nap time but nothing seems to satisfy them. It's like they just want to keep saying "No, we've done everything we can" "We love him, he is our angel and we would hate to lose him, but we hope Tripp still can come" BLAH! (insert anger and flames rising in my eyes). He was there for 15 minutes this past monday and they already called to say he was upset and I needed to come, we paid them in a check that morning as always but they requested cash.(sam refused). Before I could get to the daycare she wanted to know if I had the cash and she'd give me back our check - It's 7:45 banks aren't open - um no, I do not, you can cash a check. When I got there I calmed him down, talked to the workers and as I left, he waved goodbye so I know he was happy, but she told me as I was walking out, we will probably call you at nap time?!!!!! They don't even give him a chance??? So they called at nap time, I left work to pick them up at 1:30 and that's when the rejection started. I had a long talk with the owner about things to do, but I could tell that it didn't matter what I said, her mind was made up. Imagine a cute little disney character with such a sweet voice telling you in a round about way that they love your child and he is amazing and they want to make sure that you find someone who will care for him and not mistreat him, and to find someone who will work with him and let him participate and not be ignored.... but that he's not welcome here. Tripp is... but not Ty. It's just probably best for him to be somewhere else. (end of the sweet little voice)
If you know me you know what I'm thinking, you know that I am burning red and if possible would shoot fire out of my eyes, you know that I want to jump up, fight and beat them into submission! I want to say...I'm sorry but you obviously don't care about my kid, or you would try... you wouldn't let a little ruckus at nap time mess with his awesomeness. I asked them if he hurt anyone or himself? The answer is no, he's just disruptive at nap time. They even tell me how great he does during arts and crafts?! REALLY????? Then what is the real issue here? What is really going on??? Their response - "we just don't know, we've tried everything" I would tell you what my mother in law and step mom say about this, but let's just say it's not appropriate! Don't mess with my family - I can be your worst nightmare!
So what do you do? Is it discrimination? I have friends and family that say "yes". But we don't want them to be there now because we know that they don't want him there. So how do you handle this in a way that the good guy wins? How is it ok for them to up and decide - no we aren't going to do this anymore? He's been there for over a year!? They constantly praise his improvements and even offered just two weeks ago to keep him longer if we couldn't find a K5???? I wouldn't be so mad if they weren't two faced. Just tell me like it is, don't sugar coat anything! And you really really don't need to tell me that one of my children are welcome but the other is not?!!!!! AHHH! I guess I'll just be mad for a while and continue to search for a new place.... prayers and suggestions are appreciated! :)

behavior

Hey everyone! Well I read a post on facebook today that really got me thinking. It was a photo of a 9 year old little boy with autism, who had a black eye and other injuries from police officers that were trying to control him while he was in an "outburst/tantrum" or something like that.... it enraged me! How can someone do that? The story goes something like this:

By JG Vibes
September 27 2012

At Baldwin South Intermediate School in Quincy Illinois a 9 year old autistic child was taken from his special needs classroom with bruises all over his face and incarcerated after he was beat up by police.

The incident began when Roger Parker, Jr. had some sort of unpleasant experience which lead to an outburst, where the teachers had difficulty keeping him under control.

They tried to isolate him in some kind of time out area, which probobly made the situation even more scary and confusing for him. When he tried to get out of this time out area by climbing a dividing wall police were already there to attempt to subdue him.

At that point police officer Calkins ripped the child from the wall by his limbs like a ragdoll, causing his face to smash against the wall, which resulted in a massive black eye . He was then wrestled to the ground by police and taken into custody.

The boy was detained and booked for aggravated battery against a police officer and his family was denied access to him for a certain period of time. Mother Brandi Kirchner told news station KHQA that “I asked to see my son.

Forty-five minutes later, after they told me he did not need a parent present because he was under arrest and not being interrogated. He was fingerprinted, photographed, and booked for aggravated battery to a police officer.”

Kirchner said she is upset because she recently discussed a plan on how to handle her son if he has an outburst.

She believes the plan wasn’t followed and she has concerns that police placed her son in handcuffs before she was ever contacted. Since the incident she has removed her son from the Quincy Public School system and is investigating home schooling options.

Please tell me this is fake and that it didn't happen?! I don't know where to start...?! I posted the picture and link on my facebook page and then I just felt the need to share it here too .... it scares me - mainly because we are dealing with outbursts with Ty right now. He loves to wrestle and has started to push Tripp and others and hit - he can hit pretty hard too. He will just rare back his arms and slingshot them at his target, he doesn't really aim, but he is much taller than most kids his age and his arm span lands right at Tripp's face every time.  We are trying to stop this behavior but it's hard because it will come out of nowhere, if he's playing he thinks its funny to hit, and then when he's mad he rares back and just smacks whatever and whoever is in his way. He has also thrown things at times - and not just a toss - I'm talking fastball with a loud bang at the end. At church sunday he pushed down some of the younger kids in the nursery and it just broke my heart - I don't want him to hurt other kids and I really don't think he wants to either... he just doesn't know how to hold all that in.
I don't want people to be afraid of Ty or afraid of what he might do because he is such a fun kid! He loves life and loves people - he doesn't always know how to express that but we are working on it. He has a hard time realizing his own strength and understanding that he can't tackle everyone he sees. He loves to rough house, I think alot of that has to do with the fact that he needs lots of sensory input and deep pressure input so what better way to get that to wrestle with the nearest prospect?! (So technically he's seeking his own therapy) But teaching him that he can't do that is hard when communication is a barrier. Over the past few months we have realized more and more that Ty does understand what we are saying and that his receptive language is there in a huge way, which is great! But I think the frustration of not being able to tell us what he is thinking and feeling becomes overwhelming and he just gets mad. I know I do - if I can't get my point across to someone it can make me so mad that I could throw, hit, scream... but we learn to control that. So when I read articles about kids and kids with any disability that are arrested and beaten bc they lost control it scares me - what teacher, officer and adult can do this to a child, where is our patience? kindness? gentleness?self-control? How can a 9 year old be charged with assaulting an officer when the nine year old is battered and bruised? If we are all more aware of how to treat others then this can be avoided...
I want to do everything I can to help Ty function in this crazy world but I am terrified of people that will be in his path that don't care and that can potentially hurt him. We are currently surrounded by amazing people, our church family is so gracious and loving. Sunday when he pushed the two kids in the nursery, a friend of mine was there and it was her child that he pushed and she told me how she handled it and at first I felt terrible because he is so much bigger than the others and he does have potential to hurt someone but then I felt God's grace... how amazing is it that they weren't mad or demanding that he be removed? Yes it might just be a shove to some - and I'm not trying to make a big deal out of it but it kind of is a big deal. It's a big deal because there are so many people in this world not willing to understand and that just want to remove "the problem" as they did in that article about the little boy...but not here... he is safe and loved because of the kindness, patience and grace that flows so freely from our friends, family and church family.

We are currently trying to figure out what Ty needs to do at church, I know he is much to big for the nursery, and I'm not exactly sure if he is ready for the sunday school class and children's church??? I am to protective of him when it comes to things like this, I want him to experience life to its fullest but I know that he needs extra eyes, hands & a fast runner in case he decides to make a run for it or anything else.... so most likely we will be attempting children's church together :) I'll let you know how it goes ...

Thanks for reading! Feel free to comment  :)

life is a zoo... be sure to feed the right animals

I know it's been a while since my last post, and I would like to say it's because we've been so busy and yadda yadda yadda ... but really, if I'm honest, it's because I haven't been in the mood to write. Now I'm not the type person that needs soft music and lit candles but I do need something to say and lately I haven't had the words.  Yes there is a lot going on in our world but I just haven't felt the need to share and at times I have felt that maybe it just wasn't all that important. (important to us yes ... but the rest of the world??? idk)

So all that to say that today I read a blog that some friends of mine shared and it opened my eyes to this adoption journey that they are on and have been on for quite some time. The blog was raw and real and I liked it! I love when people give you the honest truth, when you look at it and say - ouch, but so true! It opened my eyes to how ignorant I can be on other subjects because I put myself before others and because I put Ty before everything. Yes you read that correctly. Some of you might be thinking, well you should, he needs you too.  But it's not healthy to be consumed by the things of this world. Autism is a tricky thing, and it comes in so many forms, before I knew what autism really was - I didn't think it was that bad. There are many people, and I was one of them, that think "Autistic kids are geniuses, how cool to be so talented and not have to put forth any effort" Oh how wrong that is! It's so easy to live in this world and to see everyone while wearing goggles and ear plugs. We pick out what we want to see and hear and go about our business oblivious to the real world around us. As I read the blog on how to be a friend to those families on their adoption journey my eyes were opened to how tough that is. How challenging it is not only for my friends but for the child that will come into their home, into a new country?! How crazy we are, to think that once that child gets here, his or her life will be so simple and perfect. They still have so much to go through and so much to build. What if they don't sleep well at night? What if they miss their family and home country? How do you deal with that? How do we help them deal with that? I don't really know, and that's why I was glad that someone told their story, this blog told you how to be a friend, how to love and care for them in a way that would show them the love of God.

In the world of autism, life can and will get crazy. There are alot of days that I don't know what to do. There are lots of days that I doubt myself & decisions that we make? Is this the right school? Are we pushing him enough? Are we pushing him to much? (we just studied in Ephesians where the bible says not to provoke anger in children, does therapy provoke anger? if so what do I do? What does the bible say about autism?) Am I neglecting Tripp? Am I expecting to much out of Tripp? Am I too laid back and unorganized? Do I need to quit my job and home school my boys? Could I even do that? And then I get lost in this sea of questions, it becomes so overwhelming and stressful. I just want my boys to run and play and laugh. I love to hear them laugh! Ty loves to just bust out in a huge laugh and for everyone else to fall in. Its priceless.Why can't we just hide in a cave and laugh until Jesus comes back?!

Because we have purpose... to reach everyone we can and tell them about the Gospel! To share the love and compassion that was shown to us. So times will get hard and people will ask you questions that you don't want to answer and others will make comments about autism that don't understand. We will, for the sake of not wanting to be avoided like the plague, laugh off most comments and avoid hard questions, we smile and say we are great - even when we could fall apart at any moment. Because lets be honest that's what most people want to hear. They want to see the good results and not the everyday nitty gritty, screaming, crying, nervous laughter, breakdowns, doubts, and the frenzy of life. We have discovered reflexes that surely came from Jesus and not ourselves (I have no idea how we have been so lucky - neither of us have super powers but there are days that we could enter the Olympics with our cat like reflexes and sprints that come out of no where). I'm pretty sure Sam has hurdled multiple items in and around our house at speeds unknown to most of mankind. But it makes for a fun and exciting life! We laugh a lot, I get mad more than most, but it never fails that laughter overcomes so much for us.

I don't really know where I was going with all this, I guess just to be real with whats going on and to let y'all know that we appreciate and love all of you! And that, no this isn't easy but we aren't on this journey alone so thanks for being there!

I know I say this alot, but I want you to know that I don't think we have it bad, our life is great and there are so many things that we could be facing that we are not facing. I don't want to, in any way, paint a picture of poor pitiful us... we know we are blessed and have been blessed with two amazing boys... but I'm just spilling my guts on our everyday life... we love our family and especially the fact that we have days like these...

 the boys at a drive through zoo - priceless :

ty slapped the llama

tripp scared of the stuff giraffe

VBS, I love my church!!!

Ok, so most folks know I'm slightly paranoid about Ty doing new things without me or Sam.  Not because I don't trust others, but because I don't know if they are ready for Ty and then if they aren't ready for him would they tell me or be scared of hurting my feelings, etc (maybe it is a trust issue???).... So this year I couldn't really do much at VBS because I had to work, but Tripp & Brayden (my nephew) were going and I just didn't feel right sending Ty to daycare without his brother and cousin just because I was scared/paranoid/hesitant. Bible school only lasted half a day and my awesome mother in law would pick up the boys and keep them until Sam or I got off work.  Now my church family is amazing! I have never seen a more loving group in my life?! They are so good to Ty, so I knew he would be loved and taken care of, but there was still a fear of the unknown and a bunch of what if's ... but I let him go, and I am so glad that I did. I talked with a few of the teachers before I sent him just to make sure that they would have enough bodies available to handle him (no he's not terrible and yes they are around him every week, but like I said I'm a bit paranoid when it comes to this...)  I basically had a live feed from all the youth and others that would text me or send me pics of all the things he did during the day. From what I hear his favorite part was music, Kamrie went with Ty two of the days and she sent me pics and videos of the boys doing different things, and that was just awesome. I could see how much fun they were having and how excited they were to be there, it just made my heart smile. :) Tripp was so excited everyday for bible school, if it was up to him he would have bible school year round! On Sunday night they had the family night, where everyone comes in the kids sing some songs, show some pics, pick up crafts, then eat and hangout... During the slideshow there was a section of pics of just Ty titled "Ty at VBS" (or something similar) and I just melted/cried .... I know that's silly but it just made me realize that I worried for nothing... I was paranoid for nothing... God's got this under control, alot of times I see myself going through life like a race car - full speed with everyone strapped in as tight as possible dodging whatever is being thrown our way, hoping "if I can just get through this" when what I really need to do is get my foot off the gas, let go of the wheel, and just cruise along in the passenger seat... So to everyone that I bugged the week of VBS, thanks for putting up with me! :) I love you all! And to everyone that had a part in our VBS - Thanks for all you do! It was Amazing! :)

The Beach!

So we finally took our boys to the beach!!! It was a very short trip, but we do have to start somewhere. We weren't really sure how well the boys would do in a hotel and then on the open terrain of the beach so we started out close to home. Sam made reservations at the Candlewood Suites in Slidell (only 97$ a night and it has a full kitchen?!) and then we drove 30 minutes to Pass Christian on Saturday to play on beach. Who knew you had to pack so much stuff just for one night ?! It's not that I travel light anywhere I go, but I just kept running inside and grabbing more stuff, "what if we need this, what if we need that.." I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. I left work a little early and Sam and I packed the truck, headed to town to get the boys and then off on the open road! Have I mentioned that I love road trips?! Tripp has inherited this trait from me :) he was so excited to go somewhere, anywhere really, the boy loves to just ride and end up places. So when we both picked them up from "school" Tripp was super excited, especially when he remembered that we were going to the beach & Ty was so happy playing birds and dancing to the music in the truck (when I say dancing, he has a rapper style hand bob that cracks me up and he just sits and bounces his hand to the beat of the music, and sometimes will sway back and forth, it is pretty hilarious and awesome!).  They did have the "he's touching me" fights that all kids have and at one point Ty got mad that Tripp wouldn't let him have something and Ty basically started slamming his arm in a karate style motion at Tripp's head but other than that the actual road trip was great!

Friday night we took the boys out to eat at Chili's. I think Sam was a little more skeptical about this than I was, but he had good reason to be. When we sat down Tripp had to potty so Sam took him to the bathroom and while they were gone Ty decided we should clear the table, so he threw his paper menu and ipad at some nice ladies sitting at the table across from us. I just smiled and apologized & then positioned Ty as close to me as possible so that I could use my super hero skills to stop any other flying objects, lol. The rest of the dinner went well, I think after we got settled in and Ty realized what was going on, he was ok with us being there and especially once the food and drinks arrived he knew it was time to eat. Looking back, he probably got mad bc everyone else had food and he didn't??? But now he will know what to expect :) and so will we! (We've taken him out to eat before but never really to a "sit down restaurant").  Anywho, once we made it to the hotel we took the boys swimming in the pool.  I think they could have swam all night, we had Ty's floaty on before we left the room bc I knew that as soon as he saw water he would be in it as fast as possible, and he was! Getting out of the pool was chaotic to say the least and I'm pretty sure we woke up everyone sleeping on our floor before we made it in the room? But such is life?!

Saturday morning was a typical morning with our boys, up by 630 or 7, eat breakfast, play, etc. As we were getting everything together, Ty would run, climb on the bed and then jump off of it. We tried our best to stop him each time, but we were not always successful. We also put flip flops on him (he doesn't wear them often) and he thought it was fun to just stomp in them (I'm guessing bc of the noise). Well the folks under us started banging on their ceiling and then our phone rang and when I answered they hung up. I guess when you are in a hotel and someone above you is louder than you like, you are suppose to call and hang up and bang on your ceiling??? At first I wanted to get mad, but then I looked at Sam and he seemed to not really care and we were leaving anyway, so we just left it at that. I mean what do you do? So we were off to the beach! As soon as Ty's feet hit the sand he ran full speed from the truck to the water and drug me all the way there. Once he hit the waves he just stopped and giggled. He would get shovels and throw them in the water and just watch them roll in and out with the waves. He would chase the shovels or flip flops up and down the beach and pick them up and go again. But if you picked them up he would get mad, I was allowed to step on them in the water to stop it from going any further but he had to pick it up? Tripp played in the sand mostly, and he was very skittish of the water and when Ty would throw things in the waves Tripp would start screaming "get it! get it! Get Ty! Get Ty" One of us was constantly with each of them so they weren't going anywhere but Tripp was not convinced. I guess he gets that from me too, I'm a bit more paranoid than I need to be and sometimes it's just best to back off and let them be kids, right? That's what I keep telling myself.  Sam dug the boys a trench to catch water from the waves, we built sand castles and just had an awesome day!

It was nice to get out and just do things as a family.  There are a lot of times that we don't get out and we don't do things just because it's easier to stay home.  We have everything we need or want so why go anywhere? But I think it's good for the boys to go places and see things. To learn how to act in public or how not to act? haha.  For Ty especially to learn boundaries when there are no physical boundaries, no child proof locks on all cabinets and doors and there's no fence around the beach (I did think about buying a portable one lol), but he still needs to experience these things and so do we. We need to learn to just let him be kid like everyone else. But still meet his needs let him learn in his own way.

I know I ramble alot, so thanks for reading and keeping up with us! sorry it's been so long! :)