Let's just get down to it. What do I "covet" most? What am I jealous of?
Kids that can talk, the ones that are 6 years old and able to speak with ease, and read and write and communicate with the world!
I mean I know that Tripp can do all of these things and I've never really thought about this towards him in any way (and that probably doesn't make sense but I guess that's ok to not make sense). Tripp is a chatter box, I took him to the eye dr yesterday. Which means we spent hours in the car together and he never stopped talking; spelling words and asking what he just spelled - He spells an entire sentence and you have to guess where the words start and stop (I guess he's hashtagging and doesn't even know it) and then he's on to something else. Asking where babies come from and why God is in heaven and why the sky is blue and blue is his favorite color and on and on and on jumping from one thing to another and his mind is always moving and his mouth is just trying to catch up, like most kids! But that doesn't make me jealous....
When I see kids Ty's age who communicate freely with their parents and families where all the siblings chat and play and even fight - that's when my heart becomes jealous. Not in a hateful or even an angry way - just jealous because I want that for Ty and for Tripp. For Tripp to have the freedom to talk and seek advice from his big brother, to share their hopes and dreams and talk about girls and to be able to strengthen each other in their faith when that time comes. And so when I see kids Ty's age just being themselves, I kind of become jealous. Some days it's less obvious than others - some days I don't even realize that I'm doing it, it shows up in the midst of life, when we are out and about and a child stares at us in walmart, or when we get a birthday invite from one of tripp's classmates and I wonder if that means Ty can come too? And then I wonder if I should ask if that means siblings are invited and if so do I need inform them on autism and the fact that Ty communicates differently, and then my insecurities take over and I abort the mission all together and decide that we will only go to parties where people know us- I mean that makes sense anyway because most party invites are required to be sent to the whole class and I guess I'm dodging an awkward situation there anyway... Right? Lol... I could list pages of life situations that make me jealous of the ability to talk but I think you probably understand what I am saying....
So tonight when we were at church and the preacher asked "what do we covet? The non-tangible things", a lot of things ran through my mind, but at the root of all these things was this, I covet and am jealous of kids Ty's age that can talk. And that is wrong, and I need to get over it... It creates anxiety, madness and unnecessary grief and all we are called to do is love and share the gospel, so who am I to covet anything? I should be grateful for all that we have and even if all I had was Jesus - He is MORE than enough! And I should be humbled and amazed by the fact that He loves even me...
So I guess I just felt like I should confess that tonight.... I hope it makes sense?! And if it doesn't just call, text or email me and I'll do my best to explain it
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 1, 2014
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
tolerance
Tolerance is a tricky thing. Depending on what erks us or sends us wishing for our happy place revolves a lot around what we can or should I say what we are willing to tolerate.
Last week was a pretty rough week for my little Ty man. He has issues with tolerance and we have been doing our best to curb his behavior when he is put in a situation that apparently sends him over the deep end. Ty hurt one of the kids in his class during PE last week. He did something he has never done and I do mean NEVER DONE. (He didn't leave any marks on the other student but still it was just unacceptable).This broke my heart into pieces. First of all for the other child, then the parents of that child and then the teachers. This is not like Ty at all - its just not him. The situation was handled very well in my opinion and since then we have talked with his teacher and racked our brains on what to do in the future to prevent this behavior, etc. and so far we haven't had another incident?! I'm going to keep praying that we won't. But the more I think about what happened the more I think about "how can we teach Ty tolerance" now I'm not talking, let everyone run over you and just follow the crowd and keep your mouth shut. I'm talking actual tolerance, knowing that something bothers you but handling it in a way that is socially acceptable or just morally right because lets just be honest, socially acceptable is borderline nuts these days anyway. So how do we teach Ty to chose morals over impulse? It's human nature to get mad and get even and to just express our opinion, even when its not warrented or just let words fly out of our mouths because we are mad about anything and everything. For example, I read an article today about Kaley Couco (Penny, from the Big Bang Theory TV show) and how so many "fans" of the show took to social media to express their dislike of her new hair cut - it apparently ruined some people's day and they felt the need to express that through insults and social media "bazingas". How crazy are we to think that we have a right to tell someone how they should or shouldn't wear their hair just because we may or may not like it? That's just nuts!
So where do we start with Ty, when the world around him is screaming "do what makes you feel good" "if someone makes you mad get even" "they irritate you so it's ok to hurt them" "he started it, you finish it" "how else can you get your point across since words are a challenge" "you have a learning disability so it's ok to act out" "we will ignore it this time because we feel sorry for you" "this behavior is typical for SPED classes" and the list could go on and on! Some people would say a few of these comments are being tolerant of those who can't control themselves due to special needs and I know a lot of people that would be very mad because of the ignorance in some of these comments and the manner in which they would most likely be said. But these so called tolerant comments cripple those that need more structure and more direction than the "typical" kids. Now I am not saying this is the way his school handled this situation - let me be clear - they handled it very well and I am very pleased with our ability to communicate and work together to solve any issues that come up and the punishment that is given because of that situation. However, when people hear about situations like this, things that happen in a special needs class or with special needs students - most reactions are like the ones above...and sometimes given with a "well that's expected" kind of tone and expression (just to clarify-not everyone thinks these things! And I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people that have the same values and goals that we have, I'm just saying that society as a whole and especially on social media has this "well what do you expect" kind of attitude towards special needs individuals) and it just frustrates me because I expect and demand more from my boys. I expect them to respect others and to love. So when they are mean, rude, hateful or hurtful to someone, even if it is unintentional - I want to correct it and replace it with a behavior that is acceptable and loving because my ultimate goal is to teach my boys how to intentionally love others in the name of Jesus.
So I guess I'm just saying I wish people were more intentional with their words and actions - and in a good way. I am number one on the list to learn to be more loving and intentional with my words and actions towards others so please understand I am preaching to myself and just sharing my thoughts.
I mean honestly - of all those people who saw the big bang theory last night and decided to rant about "penny's new do" who would really say something ugly to her face? And why does it even matter if you don't like her hair? I'm sure she likes it and I'm sure she doesn't have time to search social media for people she doesn't even know personally just to comment about how she dislikes what they have done with their hair? How silly is that??? Why am I harping on this? I don't know - I guess it just showed me how messed up we really are and how we all need to chill out and focus on the people in front of us and choose our words wisely, to build each other up and encourage one another so that the love of Christ is shown to each and every person we meet.
And I will say again, I am definitely the one in need of this lesson to be intentional and loving to everyone ;)
Last week was a pretty rough week for my little Ty man. He has issues with tolerance and we have been doing our best to curb his behavior when he is put in a situation that apparently sends him over the deep end. Ty hurt one of the kids in his class during PE last week. He did something he has never done and I do mean NEVER DONE. (He didn't leave any marks on the other student but still it was just unacceptable).This broke my heart into pieces. First of all for the other child, then the parents of that child and then the teachers. This is not like Ty at all - its just not him. The situation was handled very well in my opinion and since then we have talked with his teacher and racked our brains on what to do in the future to prevent this behavior, etc. and so far we haven't had another incident?! I'm going to keep praying that we won't. But the more I think about what happened the more I think about "how can we teach Ty tolerance" now I'm not talking, let everyone run over you and just follow the crowd and keep your mouth shut. I'm talking actual tolerance, knowing that something bothers you but handling it in a way that is socially acceptable or just morally right because lets just be honest, socially acceptable is borderline nuts these days anyway. So how do we teach Ty to chose morals over impulse? It's human nature to get mad and get even and to just express our opinion, even when its not warrented or just let words fly out of our mouths because we are mad about anything and everything. For example, I read an article today about Kaley Couco (Penny, from the Big Bang Theory TV show) and how so many "fans" of the show took to social media to express their dislike of her new hair cut - it apparently ruined some people's day and they felt the need to express that through insults and social media "bazingas". How crazy are we to think that we have a right to tell someone how they should or shouldn't wear their hair just because we may or may not like it? That's just nuts!
So where do we start with Ty, when the world around him is screaming "do what makes you feel good" "if someone makes you mad get even" "they irritate you so it's ok to hurt them" "he started it, you finish it" "how else can you get your point across since words are a challenge" "you have a learning disability so it's ok to act out" "we will ignore it this time because we feel sorry for you" "this behavior is typical for SPED classes" and the list could go on and on! Some people would say a few of these comments are being tolerant of those who can't control themselves due to special needs and I know a lot of people that would be very mad because of the ignorance in some of these comments and the manner in which they would most likely be said. But these so called tolerant comments cripple those that need more structure and more direction than the "typical" kids. Now I am not saying this is the way his school handled this situation - let me be clear - they handled it very well and I am very pleased with our ability to communicate and work together to solve any issues that come up and the punishment that is given because of that situation. However, when people hear about situations like this, things that happen in a special needs class or with special needs students - most reactions are like the ones above...and sometimes given with a "well that's expected" kind of tone and expression (just to clarify-not everyone thinks these things! And I am blessed to be surrounded by so many people that have the same values and goals that we have, I'm just saying that society as a whole and especially on social media has this "well what do you expect" kind of attitude towards special needs individuals) and it just frustrates me because I expect and demand more from my boys. I expect them to respect others and to love. So when they are mean, rude, hateful or hurtful to someone, even if it is unintentional - I want to correct it and replace it with a behavior that is acceptable and loving because my ultimate goal is to teach my boys how to intentionally love others in the name of Jesus.
So I guess I'm just saying I wish people were more intentional with their words and actions - and in a good way. I am number one on the list to learn to be more loving and intentional with my words and actions towards others so please understand I am preaching to myself and just sharing my thoughts.
I mean honestly - of all those people who saw the big bang theory last night and decided to rant about "penny's new do" who would really say something ugly to her face? And why does it even matter if you don't like her hair? I'm sure she likes it and I'm sure she doesn't have time to search social media for people she doesn't even know personally just to comment about how she dislikes what they have done with their hair? How silly is that??? Why am I harping on this? I don't know - I guess it just showed me how messed up we really are and how we all need to chill out and focus on the people in front of us and choose our words wisely, to build each other up and encourage one another so that the love of Christ is shown to each and every person we meet.
And I will say again, I am definitely the one in need of this lesson to be intentional and loving to everyone ;)
Thursday, September 11, 2014
brothers...
Hello first grade!
So I'm a little behind on writing a new post. We have had a crazy summer and it seems like months pass by before I know it. So here we are in September and my boys are in 1st grade and k-5!? Is that even possible? Time literally flies by! I had a friend tell me once, that the days get longer and the years get shorter - how true that is! Sam and I were talking about life last night and it seems like before we know it these sweet little boys will be grown!? It scares me a bit, ok a lot, to think about them getting older. Not because I want them to stay little but because I want them to be men of God and to love and care for everyone they come in contact with so that they will point others to Jesus! I know they will make mistakes and crazy decisions but my prayer is, that when they do mess up, they will rely on Him. My mind swarms with what that means for Ty and for his amazing little brother. How will all of this pan out? Tripp already loves his brother and is his biggest cheerleader! (They have their brotherly fights - but it turns to laughter just as quick as it did a fight). They know, more than anyone else, how to push each other's buttons AND how to arrange an incident that mom & dad can't decide who should get the punishment for, so they go down together in a no man left behind kind of fashion. Well I say they go down together - Ty is always trying to tell me something - I'm not quite sure if he's tattling or standing up to take the blame?! Lol it makes for an eventful discussion. One that Tripp usually tries to interpret "mom Ty is saying he's sorry, look he's hugging me, he's trying to tell you he's thirsty and that's why he poured water on the bed, and the carpet, and the kitchen floor and all over the counter and.." I'll interrupt with "Tripp I heard you laughing and telling Ty 'here's your cup-get more' and you were right there with him making this mess" and they look at each other in such a mischievous way, eyes wide open with a slight smirk as they attempt to change the outcome of the soon to be wrath of mom or dad - and it almost makes my heart smile - because they are partners in crime - minor crimes of course. But non the less only a bond that two brothers would have and one that communication barriers can't break! Which also worries me a bit! What happens when Ty starts using real words and they still have this silent code?! I guess we will find out...
The older Ty gets, the more I look back on how far he has come! Or should I say how far we have come in understanding his world! We are currently off of medication and he seems to be doing really well. He is very attentive during activities at church and school. He has had a few behavior issues with hitting and kind of being a bully which I am not ok with. But we do our best to address this in a way he will understand and learn the right way to get someones attention or ask someone nicely to play with a toy, etc. Its still a work in progress but the melt downs haven't been too bad and he really is listening and trying his best to communicate what it is that has him so frustrated, upset or mad. He's also responded very well to "time-out"! This is huge for us! It's a big deal because it actually works. He will stand in a corner and hang his head when he knows he's done something wrong. Once he comes out of time out he rarely goes back to doing what got him there in the first place and if he does, he will even put himself back in timeout? I know that seems kind of crazy to be excited about this, but it shows us how much he understands what is going on around him. And for a child who can't tell you that he not only understands but that he also has an opinion on what's going on - it's a big deal ;) The day he starts to communicate in the "typical" way of using words - I'm sure we will all be amazed at what he's soaked up in that head of his! Until then we will continue to play charades, 20 questions and pictionary!!!
I've kind of just rambled on a bit about everything ... So I think I'll end on that. Thanks for reading!
So I'm a little behind on writing a new post. We have had a crazy summer and it seems like months pass by before I know it. So here we are in September and my boys are in 1st grade and k-5!? Is that even possible? Time literally flies by! I had a friend tell me once, that the days get longer and the years get shorter - how true that is! Sam and I were talking about life last night and it seems like before we know it these sweet little boys will be grown!? It scares me a bit, ok a lot, to think about them getting older. Not because I want them to stay little but because I want them to be men of God and to love and care for everyone they come in contact with so that they will point others to Jesus! I know they will make mistakes and crazy decisions but my prayer is, that when they do mess up, they will rely on Him. My mind swarms with what that means for Ty and for his amazing little brother. How will all of this pan out? Tripp already loves his brother and is his biggest cheerleader! (They have their brotherly fights - but it turns to laughter just as quick as it did a fight). They know, more than anyone else, how to push each other's buttons AND how to arrange an incident that mom & dad can't decide who should get the punishment for, so they go down together in a no man left behind kind of fashion. Well I say they go down together - Ty is always trying to tell me something - I'm not quite sure if he's tattling or standing up to take the blame?! Lol it makes for an eventful discussion. One that Tripp usually tries to interpret "mom Ty is saying he's sorry, look he's hugging me, he's trying to tell you he's thirsty and that's why he poured water on the bed, and the carpet, and the kitchen floor and all over the counter and.." I'll interrupt with "Tripp I heard you laughing and telling Ty 'here's your cup-get more' and you were right there with him making this mess" and they look at each other in such a mischievous way, eyes wide open with a slight smirk as they attempt to change the outcome of the soon to be wrath of mom or dad - and it almost makes my heart smile - because they are partners in crime - minor crimes of course. But non the less only a bond that two brothers would have and one that communication barriers can't break! Which also worries me a bit! What happens when Ty starts using real words and they still have this silent code?! I guess we will find out...
The older Ty gets, the more I look back on how far he has come! Or should I say how far we have come in understanding his world! We are currently off of medication and he seems to be doing really well. He is very attentive during activities at church and school. He has had a few behavior issues with hitting and kind of being a bully which I am not ok with. But we do our best to address this in a way he will understand and learn the right way to get someones attention or ask someone nicely to play with a toy, etc. Its still a work in progress but the melt downs haven't been too bad and he really is listening and trying his best to communicate what it is that has him so frustrated, upset or mad. He's also responded very well to "time-out"! This is huge for us! It's a big deal because it actually works. He will stand in a corner and hang his head when he knows he's done something wrong. Once he comes out of time out he rarely goes back to doing what got him there in the first place and if he does, he will even put himself back in timeout? I know that seems kind of crazy to be excited about this, but it shows us how much he understands what is going on around him. And for a child who can't tell you that he not only understands but that he also has an opinion on what's going on - it's a big deal ;) The day he starts to communicate in the "typical" way of using words - I'm sure we will all be amazed at what he's soaked up in that head of his! Until then we will continue to play charades, 20 questions and pictionary!!!
I've kind of just rambled on a bit about everything ... So I think I'll end on that. Thanks for reading!
Friday, September 6, 2013
school updates and the rest of life...
K-5
Kindergarten is a whole new world for this momma, Ty has settled in and seems to really love being in big boy school! Pick up and drop off for school is a new adventure. Every morning we drop Ty off in the pick up line and one of the teachers walks him down to his class. He is always so excited and ready to go, almost jumping out of the car and pulling the teacher to his class. All of the teachers in the pick up line have been so sweet and Ty always seems to make them smile with his big grin and overflowing energy but I'm still learning to not be nervous about this and to not hold up the pick up line as I'm trying to watch him walk all the way out of sight. We have just always dropped the boys off in their rooms at the daycares, I don't know if it's just part of being a momma or if I'm over protective but I am doing my best to let him grow up and do big boy things?! I got to spend a few hours in his class about a week ago and see some of the fun things that they do, PE is his favorite (lots of freedom and playing with balls!ha)and from what I have heard nap time is his least favorite. He's eating really well at school and we are still working on potty training; but one day we will get there! The last couple of days at car pick up Ty has been getting mad when he gets in the car? He is happy walking up to us but once he gets in and I buckle him in his seat, all heck breaks loose, he screams and cries almost like he use to on our way to Hattiesburg for therapy? I don't really know what started this? It could just be that he is tired and doesn't want to be buckled in, but not knowing just really sucks? I'm sure we will figure it out soon.
Brotherly love.
Tripp has been loving K-4 and is apparently a whole different child in the classroom than at home. He never fusses or whines, listens to all of his teachers and brings home smiley faces every day and is quick to tell me which one of his friends didn't bring home a smiley face. I am not complaining and I am very glad that he is a good student! I just need to learn what they are doing so that he will act that way at home, ha! Tripp has been very sweet to Ty and everything that he does, he wants his brother with him (minus the few times at home that the brotherly love turns to fighting) but all in all it does my heart good to see them so involved with each other and playing and communicating in their own little world. Here's a fun story: I was in the kitchen fixing lunches one afternoon and all I heard was a lot of giggles and the chains from the swing rocking in the playroom. Just a normal day. This went on for about 20 minutes. Well, the next thing I hear is the chian popping and the swing crashing to the ground? I run in and see them both wide eyed and staring at me with the swing sitting under them and Tripp says "it broke momma, but it was just an accident" I tried not to get mad and then tried not to laugh because I imagine that Tripp was hanging on with his good arm, (he broke his left arm a month ago when he fell about 14 inches from our indoor trampoline) and then once he got it twisted up enough for it to spin on its own lifting his feet and swirling around like a mad man. I have to give him props for his creative genious. I have seen him do this before(and it is kind of funny), and we talked about only swinging the "proper way" because the swing could break. So before I could even get on to him he says "momma, you know if you twist it up to much it will break"?! and I just shook my head and said "that's right, let's not do that again ok". Oh the joys of these two boys!
New things
Some other things that Ty has been doing lately is saying new words and stacking blocks independently! He was at my dads last weekend and when his Grandy would count "1,2,3..." Ty would hold his hand out and say "un" aka "one!" followed by cheers and laughter. And then we were at his granna's house another day this week and he was stacking blocks 5 or 6 high, on carpet, until they would fall over. Then he would giggle, wait for us to clap and repeat the process. He was also using both hands to steady the blocks and not just slap them up there, which is something I haven't seen him do! So lots of fun stuff going on here. Church has been lots of fun for the boys. Ty loves to hear the band play on Wednesday nights and usually dances and sings and makes a lot of "eeeeEEEeee" noises, it really makes me want to take him to a concert! He has also been going to childrens church and mission friends with Tripp and having a blast. Last Wednesday night he came home with a hand print picture and Tripp had finger prints all over his page and Tripp was not satisfied until we hung them both up side by side on the wall. He was so proud of Ty and just kept saying "momma, look how good he did!" Oh how I love to see them encourage, play and love on each other!
I guess that's all I have for today! thanks for reading! I hope you have an amazing day!
Kindergarten is a whole new world for this momma, Ty has settled in and seems to really love being in big boy school! Pick up and drop off for school is a new adventure. Every morning we drop Ty off in the pick up line and one of the teachers walks him down to his class. He is always so excited and ready to go, almost jumping out of the car and pulling the teacher to his class. All of the teachers in the pick up line have been so sweet and Ty always seems to make them smile with his big grin and overflowing energy but I'm still learning to not be nervous about this and to not hold up the pick up line as I'm trying to watch him walk all the way out of sight. We have just always dropped the boys off in their rooms at the daycares, I don't know if it's just part of being a momma or if I'm over protective but I am doing my best to let him grow up and do big boy things?! I got to spend a few hours in his class about a week ago and see some of the fun things that they do, PE is his favorite (lots of freedom and playing with balls!ha)and from what I have heard nap time is his least favorite. He's eating really well at school and we are still working on potty training; but one day we will get there! The last couple of days at car pick up Ty has been getting mad when he gets in the car? He is happy walking up to us but once he gets in and I buckle him in his seat, all heck breaks loose, he screams and cries almost like he use to on our way to Hattiesburg for therapy? I don't really know what started this? It could just be that he is tired and doesn't want to be buckled in, but not knowing just really sucks? I'm sure we will figure it out soon.
Brotherly love.
Tripp has been loving K-4 and is apparently a whole different child in the classroom than at home. He never fusses or whines, listens to all of his teachers and brings home smiley faces every day and is quick to tell me which one of his friends didn't bring home a smiley face. I am not complaining and I am very glad that he is a good student! I just need to learn what they are doing so that he will act that way at home, ha! Tripp has been very sweet to Ty and everything that he does, he wants his brother with him (minus the few times at home that the brotherly love turns to fighting) but all in all it does my heart good to see them so involved with each other and playing and communicating in their own little world. Here's a fun story: I was in the kitchen fixing lunches one afternoon and all I heard was a lot of giggles and the chains from the swing rocking in the playroom. Just a normal day. This went on for about 20 minutes. Well, the next thing I hear is the chian popping and the swing crashing to the ground? I run in and see them both wide eyed and staring at me with the swing sitting under them and Tripp says "it broke momma, but it was just an accident" I tried not to get mad and then tried not to laugh because I imagine that Tripp was hanging on with his good arm, (he broke his left arm a month ago when he fell about 14 inches from our indoor trampoline) and then once he got it twisted up enough for it to spin on its own lifting his feet and swirling around like a mad man. I have to give him props for his creative genious. I have seen him do this before(and it is kind of funny), and we talked about only swinging the "proper way" because the swing could break. So before I could even get on to him he says "momma, you know if you twist it up to much it will break"?! and I just shook my head and said "that's right, let's not do that again ok". Oh the joys of these two boys!
New things
Some other things that Ty has been doing lately is saying new words and stacking blocks independently! He was at my dads last weekend and when his Grandy would count "1,2,3..." Ty would hold his hand out and say "un" aka "one!" followed by cheers and laughter. And then we were at his granna's house another day this week and he was stacking blocks 5 or 6 high, on carpet, until they would fall over. Then he would giggle, wait for us to clap and repeat the process. He was also using both hands to steady the blocks and not just slap them up there, which is something I haven't seen him do! So lots of fun stuff going on here. Church has been lots of fun for the boys. Ty loves to hear the band play on Wednesday nights and usually dances and sings and makes a lot of "eeeeEEEeee" noises, it really makes me want to take him to a concert! He has also been going to childrens church and mission friends with Tripp and having a blast. Last Wednesday night he came home with a hand print picture and Tripp had finger prints all over his page and Tripp was not satisfied until we hung them both up side by side on the wall. He was so proud of Ty and just kept saying "momma, look how good he did!" Oh how I love to see them encourage, play and love on each other!
I guess that's all I have for today! thanks for reading! I hope you have an amazing day!
Thursday, August 1, 2013
just some thoughts
I read an article last night on facebook with an excerpt from a book written by a 13 year old boy, with autism, called "The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida. The article started out with David Mitchell a novelist who writes about learning to live with his son's autism. It goes into day to day stuff and some of it I can relate to and other parts I can't relate to at all. Just like Mitchell says in his spill about autism, every child is different so our experiences with autism will differ as well. Yes there are so many similarities and that's why we can have an official diagnosis that ranges in behaviors and abilities, it's just so broad and that's why its called a spectrum. That's also why it is so difficult to treat. He talks about all the different treatments and how you search and try anything you can get your hands on to help, to make since of it, to create that window of communication that will shape his world. And then I get to the part written by Higashida. Sam and I have had many discussions on why Ty has been diagnosed with Autism. He has great eye contact, pretty good social skills, loves to be around people, loves hugs and other things that typically you would not see in autism. Ty is happy, he giggles and tries so hard to communicate! So we have wondered what if its something else? But then he has had the typical signs early on and he does have the huge language barrier along with different quirks and small tantrums... but after reading the words from this 13 year old boy - I think us neurotypicals got it wrong (all the diagnosis criteria)... One thing is that people with autism prefer to be alone - He (Higashida)explains that the reason he goes off to be by himself is because he knows he is bothering those around him and he knows that they don't understand him and even though he wants to be near them, it's just easier to back off and give them space(these are my words but I'll paste the link so you can check it out). Another thing is repeating the same behavior - He says that he knows he isn't suppose to do that but it's out of his control and when he trys to control it and almost physically hurts. You can check out the link for the rest of the stuff ... So all of that to say, that I hope Ty never feels like he isn't wanted or that he is a bother. I pray that we will bring him up in an environment that focuses on all his abilities and strives to challenge him and pull all the good stuff out. I hope we learn from him and others like him how to really love and grow and become people that see each person as an individual and not as a diagnosis. To take that a step further I think we need to see each person not for how tall, short, skinny, fat, color, gender, background, religion or whatever else we may see ... but that we would see someone that God made. Someone He loves. Someone that Jesus died for and that we would pursue each person with the love and grace of God and nothing less....
http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jun/29/david-mitchell-my-sons-autism
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
school worries
Ty starts school Monday!?!? I am so excited, nervous, sad, happy and scared all at the same time!? I know that every parent probably goes through this as their child/children start school. I have so many worries...What if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't eat his lunch? What if I don't pack him enough for his lunch? How long will it take him to get use to the routine? Will his teachers understand him? Will he make friends? Will the kids play nice? Will he play nice? Will he take a nap? Will he leave his shoes on? Will he form new habits? What if he wonders off? .... I can go on and on.... but the main thing is, that up until now, Tripp has been with him. He has been our eyes and ears at the daycare to let us know if Ty had a good day or a bad day and to tell us what they did throughout the day. So what happens now?...
I want to know who his new friends are and who he played with on the playground, what he liked that he did that day, what he didn't like, who was nice, who was mean, what he wanted me to pack for lunch, what he learned, etc.... But unless I find some kind of high tech camera that they will allow me to strap to him and have a live video feed to my phone... I will just have to live with what the teachers and others tell me. I am partly ok with that... but there's just something about sitting down and having a conversation with him that would be so sweet. I love when I pick the boys up from the day care and Tripp has so many things to tell me - not all true - but still very entertaining stories! I usually can pull something out of him that really did happen during the day. Ty will chime in jabbering from time to time and can get to the point that he is just screaming and trying to out talk his little brother. I think those are the days that he is trying to tell me that Tripp's stories may not be completely true; whatever it is - I know he is trying to tell me something ... other times Ty will just sit and listen to everything Tripp says and glance out the window and say "bye-bye" to the trees we are passing, I'm guessing that these are the days that Tripp has more truth in his stories?! I don't really know? But the point is ... I am going to miss that... and I am going to miss the security of having them both together. Having Tripp there to help Ty and to help others understand Ty is something that I have taken for granted and now I am getting nervous. I'm not scared of the school or teachers or anything like that. I am actually very happy with the school and teachers and we found out that Dr. Bellapani (from Will's Way and The Children's Center) will be consulting with the school on behavior issues and I can't begin to express how awesome this is! She knows Ty and will be able to make sure he has a smooth transition and that hopefully there won't be very much regression because she will be able to correct behaviors that he will attempt to revert back to. Ty has a very mischievous way about him ... when he has a new teacher or therapists he does his best to get by with as little as possible. Once he knows, that they know what he can do, then he won't fight it and will do everything that's expected of him(within reason). So I'm not nervous or sad or scared because of all of that. It's just something new and I won't have my safety net. We will all be on new schedules and it's kinda mind boggling to process it all ... Tripp will be at a different school starting K4 and he hasn't really grasped why he can't go to school with Ty, he just knows that they are going to different schools this year. We have a had a few conversations about that and even though he is really excited about starting "big boy school" he still wants to know why he can't go to school with Ty. I sit down and explain that they won't be in the same class even if they were at the same school but I don't think he really understands that either... But with time he will.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want my little guy to talk to me. I know God has a plan and I know that one day I will sit down and have those conversations with Ty ... but I guess it would be nice to have a copy of that plan ... or least a piece of it...
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Press on...
"press on towards the goal" ... this has been in my mind for a few days. The Bible says in Philippians to press on towards the goal, to forget about what is behind you and press on to what is ahead. It seems simple. Don't look back, just continue to focus on what is in front of you and everything else is just history. Right?! I think about scary movies and how there always seems to be that one silly girl that just has to turn around and see what's chasing her and then .... well, you know, things just don't work out for her in the end. If she would have just kept her eyes on the exit and ran towards it without turning around, she woulda made it!(maybe) But that never makes for a good scary movie, so they always turn around....(just had the "turn around, bright eyes" lyrics run through my mind,.... and now your singing it...)
But if we think about life and about all the things that drag us down and all the "remember whens" that pop into our heads that make us have regrets or a new lapse in judgment ... what if we just pressed on? What if we didn't worry about what could have been and what should have happened? I know I can get bogged down in the "what if's" of this life. There are so many people, websites, Dr's, blogs, TV shows, movies, etc - telling us how to live - what "normal" looks like, what "marriage" looks like etc....etc .... But I know that the only Truth that I truly believe and that I should truly count on day in and day out... is The Word of God. So why is it so hard to stay focused and on track?
Autism isn't easy ... but it is a lot easier than other things that we could be facing. So I guess it's time for me to be thankful for Autism - now just because I typed this does not mean that I have convinced myself of this idea completely - but it is something I am working on. I should be thankful for all the things that come with it. I have two happy and very healthy little boys. I sometimes worry about them and wonder how their relationship would be different if Ty could talk and didn't have the barrier that autism places on his relationships ... would he be included in more things because he was able to ask to participate or would he not want to do them because its not something that interests him? Would he and Tripp still have that brotherly love that is so evident or would there be more sibling rivalry... would they have a stronger bond or would it be the same? Would we go more places? I could go on for days, but all that to say... how can I press on towards the goal when I'm stirring up so many questions? Who cares what anyone else says. We were all created to give glory to God and I plan to strive to teach my two boys just that. Now I am not perfect and I am not saying that I have all the answers or that I follow all the rules ... but Jesus never said that once you know everything - then you will be saved... He said to believe & confess .... I believe He can and will do great things with my family and I am excited to see what He has in store for us ...
I know I haven't been on this journey long and I know that I have a long way to go... but if you are anything like me and you are just beginning to face a new diagnosis or challenge in your life. You may just hit it head on and start reading and diving into every book, website, Dr, therapist, teacher, and parent you know searching for answers, searching for a cure, searching for the latest and greatest therapy. But really it all boils down to one thing - well first let me say - yes those things are good, but don't let it consume you, all advice is not always good advice, and just because it's on the Internet or in a book doesn't mean it's a good idea... I'm sure you know that, but sometimes we get desperate... but you should also know that God is real and whether you believe in Him or not, He loves you and He wants to have a relationship with you. He is the reason I can do this.
love yall! and thanks for reading!
But if we think about life and about all the things that drag us down and all the "remember whens" that pop into our heads that make us have regrets or a new lapse in judgment ... what if we just pressed on? What if we didn't worry about what could have been and what should have happened? I know I can get bogged down in the "what if's" of this life. There are so many people, websites, Dr's, blogs, TV shows, movies, etc - telling us how to live - what "normal" looks like, what "marriage" looks like etc....etc .... But I know that the only Truth that I truly believe and that I should truly count on day in and day out... is The Word of God. So why is it so hard to stay focused and on track?
Autism isn't easy ... but it is a lot easier than other things that we could be facing. So I guess it's time for me to be thankful for Autism - now just because I typed this does not mean that I have convinced myself of this idea completely - but it is something I am working on. I should be thankful for all the things that come with it. I have two happy and very healthy little boys. I sometimes worry about them and wonder how their relationship would be different if Ty could talk and didn't have the barrier that autism places on his relationships ... would he be included in more things because he was able to ask to participate or would he not want to do them because its not something that interests him? Would he and Tripp still have that brotherly love that is so evident or would there be more sibling rivalry... would they have a stronger bond or would it be the same? Would we go more places? I could go on for days, but all that to say... how can I press on towards the goal when I'm stirring up so many questions? Who cares what anyone else says. We were all created to give glory to God and I plan to strive to teach my two boys just that. Now I am not perfect and I am not saying that I have all the answers or that I follow all the rules ... but Jesus never said that once you know everything - then you will be saved... He said to believe & confess .... I believe He can and will do great things with my family and I am excited to see what He has in store for us ...
I know I haven't been on this journey long and I know that I have a long way to go... but if you are anything like me and you are just beginning to face a new diagnosis or challenge in your life. You may just hit it head on and start reading and diving into every book, website, Dr, therapist, teacher, and parent you know searching for answers, searching for a cure, searching for the latest and greatest therapy. But really it all boils down to one thing - well first let me say - yes those things are good, but don't let it consume you, all advice is not always good advice, and just because it's on the Internet or in a book doesn't mean it's a good idea... I'm sure you know that, but sometimes we get desperate... but you should also know that God is real and whether you believe in Him or not, He loves you and He wants to have a relationship with you. He is the reason I can do this.
love yall! and thanks for reading!
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Graduation
As usual there is a lot going on and I'm not sure how or where to start?! Ty graduated from The Children's center at USM and it is definitely bitter sweet! He has come a long way from that first session, I remember him being so distracted by every little thing: doors opening and closing, voices in the halls, cabinets in the room, etc. He was also the only one in his group for a while and would have multiple "small tantrums" (just slinging things or refusing to do what was asked) throughout his 2 hour sessions. But he came around and once he learned the routine he enjoyed going to therapy! Then we met Andrew and his awesome momma, Ty and Andrew were so much alike, it was fun to watch them enter act and get excited over the same things! You could almost see it in their eyes...it's like they knew that they were on the same page! Then Ty ended up in a new group with two new friends and lots of challenges. He had to learn how to wait his turn and share all while still focussing on communication and sensory needs. He has come a long way, sitting patiently (in an open chair) and sharing, pointing to things he wants or needs, eating snacks without pulling his food out, using a napkin, drinking out of a cup, he's been following directions and using sign language and some words to communicate... There's so much that he has learned through the past 2 years and I'm not sure how I will handle this next transition, I'm not sure how he will handle it either...We have been very blessed to have been introduced to all the amazing therapists at USM, Will's Way and our amazing South Florida friend! I don't know where we would be without them!? The more days that go by, the more I realize that Ty will be in Kindergarten this August, the more I worry about the future...I have so many questions and concerns...
But I think it's best if I just write about my hopes... I hope Ty is loved and cared for at school, I hope he makes friends and that he is challenged to reach his full potential, I hope that parents continue to teach their children how to love and accept others, no matter what challenges they face...I hope that teachers will have extreme patience with all their students and especially those that struggle to stay focused and on task...and I really hope that Ty loves school as much as he loves going to therapy...
Tripp has been an amazing little brother in all of this and I am so lucky to have such a caring and loving 4 year old, he encourages Ty in all the little things and initiates conversation and playtime, he wants Ty to participate in everything he does- and that means the world to me... I call Tripp an old soul and he really is an old man trapped in a 4 year olds body most days! ;)
Our families & friends have been extremely helpful in getting Ty where he needed to be and helping us physically get him there and constantly encouraging us to do the best for him and I hope you know how much we appreciate all you do! And to our amazing church family! Words cannot express how much we love each and every one of you! Thank you for encouraging Ty and including him in so much and pushing me to let him do more :)
We have a whole new adventure starting and I am ready to strap in and see where God takes us! Thanks for reading!!! I love y'all!
But I think it's best if I just write about my hopes... I hope Ty is loved and cared for at school, I hope he makes friends and that he is challenged to reach his full potential, I hope that parents continue to teach their children how to love and accept others, no matter what challenges they face...I hope that teachers will have extreme patience with all their students and especially those that struggle to stay focused and on task...and I really hope that Ty loves school as much as he loves going to therapy...
Tripp has been an amazing little brother in all of this and I am so lucky to have such a caring and loving 4 year old, he encourages Ty in all the little things and initiates conversation and playtime, he wants Ty to participate in everything he does- and that means the world to me... I call Tripp an old soul and he really is an old man trapped in a 4 year olds body most days! ;)
Our families & friends have been extremely helpful in getting Ty where he needed to be and helping us physically get him there and constantly encouraging us to do the best for him and I hope you know how much we appreciate all you do! And to our amazing church family! Words cannot express how much we love each and every one of you! Thank you for encouraging Ty and including him in so much and pushing me to let him do more :)
We have a whole new adventure starting and I am ready to strap in and see where God takes us! Thanks for reading!!! I love y'all!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Love
It seems like autism has been on the front of most folks minds lately. I have had high school students call for interviews they need for reports/projects for school and others, of all ages, have just had general questions. I like to hear questions about autism and I like to discuss our life as a family and I like when people are genuinely interested in what goes on with Ty and kids like him. I love when I can tell that our conversation switches from "is she ok talking about this" to "ok now for the deep questions".
Recently I was asked if i think people with autism can love. My immediate respond is YES, why wouldn't they?! This question has hung around in my head for a while and I keep coming back to scripture. The Bible says that love is patient and kind...
1 Corinthians 13:4-8
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
What I have realized is that people with Autism love deeper and more clearly than any "normal" person ever could. When most people talk about love its always an emotion, when really its an action and something that is learned not given to us at birth. I mean think about it, from day one we enter the world looking out for ourselves and trying to satisfy needs and desires that we have. I am reading a book that was recommended to me by a friend called "the speed of dark" by Elizabeth moon. It tells a story from the perspective of a young man with autism. He is very straight forward and honest in everything he does, mainly, because to do otherwise doesn't make sense. One example- He was late for work so he stayed late to the minute because it would bother him for weeks if he didn't. He isn't mean to others, even those that we consider annoying... He just sees them as different. Aren't we all unique?! For anyone to say that Someone else is incapable of love is to say that, they themselves are incapable of love because by the biblical definition Love does not boast, it's not self seeking, keeps no record of wrong. So if we are looking at what someone else can or cant do isnt that boasting or in a small way saying "im better than you" just because of some small irregularities or tics or stems and if all we want to do is label one another... Can we really love?
I'm not saying that it is wrong to say "someone has autism" or to talk about what that means or to attend therapy and discuss life with autism but it is wrong to judge and say that we are better just because someone is different ....
So yes I believe they know how to love and are capable beyond what our minds can comprehend ...
Friday, February 15, 2013
speed bump
Communication is a touchy subject when it comes to autism. It is a necessity for daily living and when you're not affected by the inability to communicate you take the ability to communicate for granted and it almost becomes a reflex. Most people go to bed talking, texting, tweeting, facebooking, emailing and chatting with the world and then wake up the next morning doing all the same things again. I know I have issues with knowing when to keep my mouth shut?! I never have to stop and think about how to form words or how to use hand signals to express my needs so that someone else will understand me. There are so many people out there who struggle to communicate on a daily basis. When faced with autism, communication barriers come in a variety pack: the inability to form words, knowing how to mimic words but not really ask for things, not being able to read social cues and not being able to control body movements can really hinder a conversation.
Ty struggles daily with communication. It is hard for him to get his point across but it's not for lack of trying! He babbles a lot and "talks" to us constantly. Sometimes its in a normal tone but he does get animated when he is trying to get his point across. If he wants to go outside, he will run to the door and jiggle the handle then run to me and "talk" while pointing at the door and if we don't go outside then he will run and throw himself on the couch while screaming and peeking out of the corner of his eye just waiting for me to give in, sometimes I do. Ty does have some hand signs that he uses to get what he wants and he does have a few words: more, momma, ball, iPad, my iPad, bye bye, papaw, uh ah(no), bird, mine, bread, bite. When he talks it's not always crystal clear, most of the time his words are squished together and not finished. So "bird" comes out "birrrr", "momma" is said clearly, "iPad" is "iPaaaa" - you get the idea. He has a hard time finishing his words. I'm not sure if it's because of a lack of strength in his muscles located in and around his mouth or if it's just something that isn't connecting during the "thought-muscle-action" process(I know that's not the technical term but you know what I mean)? Whatever the cause may be, it makes for a struggle on his end. I've been asked many times "Will Ty ever talk?" That's a hard question to hear and to answer. Most days I answer with the positive "Yes, I think he will. He already is forming words and sounds and trying really hard to communicate, and these are all signs of communication and basic steps of learning how to talk. So yes." I go on to talk about how most babies and toddlers that are learning to speak babble first and then mimic and then start to form sentences and for Ty it's just a slower process but that he is following in those steps, which is promising. I never want to be pessimistic when it comes to Ty and the things he struggles with, the Bible says that our words have power and that what we speak over someone can become reality. So I want to be careful when I talk about Ty and his future (and Tripp too). Don't get me wrong, I have wondered and I have questioned, and I have cried and I have prayed a lot! But I never want to say "well this is good enough" because I know that Ty can and will do amazing things so why would I limit him to what my mind can comprehend?
Some people have asked me to teach them how to talk to Ty. I love that there are people who want to get involved with my little man and that seek to be a part of his world. I don't know how to go about this? I guess the first thing I would say is to just listen to him and talk to him as you would any other child. He will talk to you and he will grab your face and make sure you are looking at him while he talks to you. (that always makes me laugh out loud). Ty understands just about everything we say. We didn't always know this but now that we do, things are a little less hectic around our house. I can ask Ty to go get something and bring it to me and he will do it, I can tell him to throw something in the trash and he will do it, I can tell him what's going on and he understands. He doesn't always agree with me (what child does) but he understands what we are saying. This is huge! When we finally realized that he knew what we were saying, we had a whole new game plan. We give Tripp a lot of responsibilities and require a lot of him because we know that he can do it and because we want him to be challenged, learn and grow. The same thing goes for Ty, but with Ty we didn't want to require something of him that we weren't sure he could do and I think he was trying to tell us "hey I can do that too!" but we weren't listening. One night I sent Tripp in the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, he goes and gets a cup and then holds it to the dispenser in the fridge and fills up his own cup. Well Ty came up to me with a an open cup (we still use sippy cups) and starts "talking" to me, so I said "sure you can get some water too." His face lit up, I had to help him push to get the water to come out, and then he stood there gulping the water as it spilled down each side of his cheek. We did this two or three times. When he was done I gave him a paper towel and asked him to help me clean up the mess and not only did he clean it up but he also threw his paper towel in the trash!? I sat back amazed, not just that he did all of that, but that I have been to blind to see it before. So the student becomes the teacher! Communicating with Ty is a learning process and there is no precise science to it. We learn on a daily basis and I encourage you to find someone that you have a hard time communicating with, and just spend a little time with them, listen to them, watch them, they will eventually show you what they know and you will learn how to communicate in a whole new way. Yes, communication is a speed bump in the life of someone with autism, but if you slow down and ease over it, you don't really notice the bump but you get to enjoy the ride!
thanks for reading! :)
Ty struggles daily with communication. It is hard for him to get his point across but it's not for lack of trying! He babbles a lot and "talks" to us constantly. Sometimes its in a normal tone but he does get animated when he is trying to get his point across. If he wants to go outside, he will run to the door and jiggle the handle then run to me and "talk" while pointing at the door and if we don't go outside then he will run and throw himself on the couch while screaming and peeking out of the corner of his eye just waiting for me to give in, sometimes I do. Ty does have some hand signs that he uses to get what he wants and he does have a few words: more, momma, ball, iPad, my iPad, bye bye, papaw, uh ah(no), bird, mine, bread, bite. When he talks it's not always crystal clear, most of the time his words are squished together and not finished. So "bird" comes out "birrrr", "momma" is said clearly, "iPad" is "iPaaaa" - you get the idea. He has a hard time finishing his words. I'm not sure if it's because of a lack of strength in his muscles located in and around his mouth or if it's just something that isn't connecting during the "thought-muscle-action" process(I know that's not the technical term but you know what I mean)? Whatever the cause may be, it makes for a struggle on his end. I've been asked many times "Will Ty ever talk?" That's a hard question to hear and to answer. Most days I answer with the positive "Yes, I think he will. He already is forming words and sounds and trying really hard to communicate, and these are all signs of communication and basic steps of learning how to talk. So yes." I go on to talk about how most babies and toddlers that are learning to speak babble first and then mimic and then start to form sentences and for Ty it's just a slower process but that he is following in those steps, which is promising. I never want to be pessimistic when it comes to Ty and the things he struggles with, the Bible says that our words have power and that what we speak over someone can become reality. So I want to be careful when I talk about Ty and his future (and Tripp too). Don't get me wrong, I have wondered and I have questioned, and I have cried and I have prayed a lot! But I never want to say "well this is good enough" because I know that Ty can and will do amazing things so why would I limit him to what my mind can comprehend?
Some people have asked me to teach them how to talk to Ty. I love that there are people who want to get involved with my little man and that seek to be a part of his world. I don't know how to go about this? I guess the first thing I would say is to just listen to him and talk to him as you would any other child. He will talk to you and he will grab your face and make sure you are looking at him while he talks to you. (that always makes me laugh out loud). Ty understands just about everything we say. We didn't always know this but now that we do, things are a little less hectic around our house. I can ask Ty to go get something and bring it to me and he will do it, I can tell him to throw something in the trash and he will do it, I can tell him what's going on and he understands. He doesn't always agree with me (what child does) but he understands what we are saying. This is huge! When we finally realized that he knew what we were saying, we had a whole new game plan. We give Tripp a lot of responsibilities and require a lot of him because we know that he can do it and because we want him to be challenged, learn and grow. The same thing goes for Ty, but with Ty we didn't want to require something of him that we weren't sure he could do and I think he was trying to tell us "hey I can do that too!" but we weren't listening. One night I sent Tripp in the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, he goes and gets a cup and then holds it to the dispenser in the fridge and fills up his own cup. Well Ty came up to me with a an open cup (we still use sippy cups) and starts "talking" to me, so I said "sure you can get some water too." His face lit up, I had to help him push to get the water to come out, and then he stood there gulping the water as it spilled down each side of his cheek. We did this two or three times. When he was done I gave him a paper towel and asked him to help me clean up the mess and not only did he clean it up but he also threw his paper towel in the trash!? I sat back amazed, not just that he did all of that, but that I have been to blind to see it before. So the student becomes the teacher! Communicating with Ty is a learning process and there is no precise science to it. We learn on a daily basis and I encourage you to find someone that you have a hard time communicating with, and just spend a little time with them, listen to them, watch them, they will eventually show you what they know and you will learn how to communicate in a whole new way. Yes, communication is a speed bump in the life of someone with autism, but if you slow down and ease over it, you don't really notice the bump but you get to enjoy the ride!
thanks for reading! :)
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