school updates and the rest of life...

K-5
Kindergarten is a whole new world for this momma, Ty has settled in and seems to really love being in big boy school! Pick up and drop off for school is a new adventure. Every morning we drop Ty off in the pick up line and one of the teachers walks him down to his class. He is always so excited and ready to go, almost jumping out of the car and pulling the teacher to his class. All of the teachers in the pick up line have been so sweet and Ty always seems to make them smile with his big grin and overflowing energy but I'm still learning to not be nervous about this and to not hold up the pick up line as I'm trying to watch him walk all the way out of sight. We have just always dropped the boys off in their rooms at the daycares, I don't know if it's just part of being a momma or if I'm over protective but I am doing my best to let him grow up and do big boy things?! I got to spend a few hours in his class about a week ago and see some of the fun things that they do, PE is his favorite (lots of freedom and playing with balls!ha)and from what I have heard nap time is his least favorite. He's eating really well at school and we are still working on potty training; but one day we will get there! The last couple of days at car pick up Ty has been getting mad when he gets in the car? He is happy walking up to us but once he gets in and I buckle him in his seat, all heck breaks loose, he screams and cries almost like he use to on our way to Hattiesburg for therapy? I don't really know what started this? It could just be that he is tired and doesn't want to be buckled in, but not knowing just really sucks? I'm sure we will figure it out soon.

Brotherly love.
Tripp has been loving K-4 and is apparently a whole different child in the classroom than at home. He never fusses or whines, listens to all of his teachers and brings home smiley faces every day and is quick to tell me which one of his friends didn't bring home a smiley face. I am not complaining and I am very glad that he is a good student! I just need to learn what they are doing so that he will act that way at home, ha! Tripp has been very sweet to Ty and everything that he does, he wants his brother with him (minus the few times at home that the brotherly love turns to fighting) but all in all it does my heart good to see them so involved with each other and playing and communicating in their own little world. Here's a fun story: I was in the kitchen fixing lunches one afternoon and all I heard was a lot of giggles and the chains from the swing rocking in the playroom. Just a normal day. This went on for about 20 minutes. Well, the next thing I hear is the chian popping and the swing crashing to the ground? I run in and see them both wide eyed and staring at me with the swing sitting under them and Tripp says "it broke momma, but it was just an accident" I tried not to get mad and then tried not to laugh because I imagine that Tripp was hanging on with his good arm, (he broke his left arm a month ago when he fell about 14 inches from our indoor trampoline) and then once he got it twisted up enough for it to spin on its own lifting his feet and swirling around like a mad man. I have to give him props for his creative genious. I have seen him do this before(and it is kind of funny), and we talked about only swinging the "proper way" because the swing could break. So before I could even get on to him he says "momma, you know if you twist it up to much it will break"?! and I just shook my head and said "that's right, let's not do that again ok". Oh the joys of these two boys!

New things
Some other things that Ty has been doing lately is saying new words and stacking blocks independently! He was at my dads last weekend and when his Grandy would count "1,2,3..." Ty would hold his hand out and say "un" aka "one!" followed by cheers and laughter. And then we were at his granna's house another day this week and he was stacking blocks 5 or 6 high, on carpet, until they would fall over. Then he would giggle, wait for us to clap and repeat the process. He was also using both hands to steady the blocks and not just slap them up there, which is something I haven't seen him do! So lots of fun stuff going on here. Church has been lots of fun for the boys. Ty loves to hear the band play on Wednesday nights and usually dances and sings and makes a lot of "eeeeEEEeee" noises, it really makes me want to take him to a concert! He has also been going to childrens church and mission friends with Tripp and having a blast. Last Wednesday night he came home with a hand print picture and Tripp had finger prints all over his page and Tripp was not satisfied until we hung them both up side by side on the wall. He was so proud of Ty and just kept saying "momma, look how good he did!" Oh how I love to see them encourage, play and love on each other!

I guess that's all I have for today! thanks for reading! I hope you have an amazing day!

just some thoughts

I read an article last night on facebook with an excerpt from a book written by a 13 year old boy, with autism, called "The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida. The article started out with David Mitchell a novelist who writes about learning to live with his son's autism. It goes into day to day stuff and some of it I can relate to and other parts I can't relate to at all. Just like Mitchell says in his spill about autism, every child is different so our experiences with autism will differ as well. Yes there are so many similarities and that's why we can have an official diagnosis that ranges in behaviors and abilities, it's just so broad and that's why its called a spectrum. That's also why it is so difficult to treat. He talks about all the different treatments and how you search and try anything you can get your hands on to help, to make since of it, to create that window of communication that will shape his world. And then I get to the part written by Higashida. Sam and I have had many discussions on why Ty has been diagnosed with Autism. He has great eye contact, pretty good social skills, loves to be around people, loves hugs and other things that typically you would not see in autism. Ty is happy, he giggles and tries so hard to communicate! So we have wondered what if its something else? But then he has had the typical signs early on and he does have the huge language barrier along with different quirks and small tantrums... but after reading the words from this 13 year old boy - I think us neurotypicals got it wrong (all the diagnosis criteria)... One thing is that people with autism prefer to be alone - He (Higashida)explains that the reason he goes off to be by himself is because he knows he is bothering those around him and he knows that they don't understand him and even though he wants to be near them, it's just easier to back off and give them space(these are my words but I'll paste the link so you can check it out). Another thing is repeating the same behavior - He says that he knows he isn't suppose to do that but it's out of his control and when he trys to control it and almost physically hurts. You can check out the link for the rest of the stuff ... So all of that to say, that I hope Ty never feels like he isn't wanted or that he is a bother. I pray that we will bring him up in an environment that focuses on all his abilities and strives to challenge him and pull all the good stuff out. I hope we learn from him and others like him how to really love and grow and become people that see each person as an individual and not as a diagnosis. To take that a step further I think we need to see each person not for how tall, short, skinny, fat, color, gender, background, religion or whatever else we may see ... but that we would see someone that God made. Someone He loves. Someone that Jesus died for and that we would pursue each person with the love and grace of God and nothing less.... http://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/jun/29/david-mitchell-my-sons-autism

school worries

Ty starts school Monday!?!? I am so excited, nervous, sad, happy and scared all at the same time!? I know that every parent probably goes through this as their child/children start school. I have so many worries...What if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't eat his lunch? What if I don't pack him enough for his lunch? How long will it take him to get use to the routine? Will his teachers understand him? Will he make friends? Will the kids play nice? Will he play nice? Will he take a nap? Will he leave his shoes on? Will he form new habits? What if he wonders off? .... I can go on and on.... but the main thing is, that up until now, Tripp has been with him. He has been our eyes and ears at the daycare to let us know if Ty had a good day or a bad day and to tell us what they did throughout the day. So what happens now?...

I want to know who his new friends are and who he played with on the playground, what he liked that he did that day, what he didn't like, who was nice, who was mean, what he wanted me to pack for lunch, what he learned, etc.... But unless I find some kind of high tech camera that they will allow me to strap to him and have a live video feed to my phone... I will just have to live with what the teachers and others tell me. I am partly ok with that... but there's just something about sitting down and having a conversation with him that would be so sweet. I love when I pick the boys up from the day care and Tripp has so many things to tell me - not all true - but still very entertaining stories! I usually can pull something out of him that really did happen during the day. Ty will chime in jabbering from time to time and can get to the point that he is just screaming and trying to out talk his little brother. I think those are the days that he is trying to tell me that Tripp's stories may not be completely true; whatever it is - I know he is trying to tell me something ... other times Ty will just sit and listen to everything Tripp says and glance out the window and say "bye-bye" to the trees we are passing, I'm guessing that these are the days that Tripp has more truth in his stories?! I don't really know? But the point is ... I am going to miss that... and I am going to miss the security of having them both together. Having Tripp there to help Ty and to help others understand Ty is something that I have taken for granted and now I am getting nervous. I'm not scared of the school or teachers or anything like that. I am actually very happy with the school and teachers and we found out that Dr. Bellapani (from Will's Way and The Children's Center) will be consulting with the school on behavior issues and I can't begin to express how awesome this is! She knows Ty and will be able to make sure he has a smooth transition and that hopefully there won't be very much regression because she will be able to correct behaviors that he will attempt to revert back to. Ty has a very mischievous way about him ... when he has a new teacher or therapists he does his best to get by with as little as possible. Once he knows, that they know what he can do, then he won't fight it and will do everything that's expected of him(within reason). So I'm not nervous or sad or scared because of all of that. It's just something new and I won't have my safety net. We will all be on new schedules and it's kinda mind boggling to process it all ... Tripp will be at a different school starting K4 and he hasn't really grasped why he can't go to school with Ty, he just knows that they are going to different schools this year. We have a had a few conversations about that and even though he is really excited about starting "big boy school" he still wants to know why he can't go to school with Ty. I sit down and explain that they won't be in the same class even if they were at the same school but I don't think he really understands that either... But with time he will.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just want my little guy to talk to me. I know God has a plan and I know that one day I will sit down and have those conversations with Ty ... but I guess it would be nice to have a copy of that plan ... or least a piece of it...

Press on...

"press on towards the goal" ... this has been in my mind for a few days. The Bible says in Philippians to press on towards the goal, to forget about what is behind you and press on to what is ahead. It seems simple. Don't look back, just continue to focus on what is in front of you and everything else is just history. Right?! I think about scary movies and how there always seems to be that one silly girl that just has to turn around and see what's chasing her and then .... well, you know, things just don't work out for her in the end. If she would have just kept her eyes on the exit and ran towards it without turning around, she woulda made it!(maybe) But that never makes for a good scary movie, so they always turn around....(just had the "turn around, bright eyes" lyrics run through my mind,.... and now your singing it...)

But if we think about life and about all the things that drag us down and all the "remember whens" that pop into our heads that make us have regrets or a new lapse in judgment ... what if we just pressed on? What if we didn't worry about what could have been and what should have happened? I know I can get bogged down in the "what if's" of this life.  There are so many people, websites, Dr's, blogs, TV shows, movies, etc - telling us how to live - what "normal" looks like, what "marriage" looks like etc....etc .... But I know that the only Truth that I truly believe and that I should truly count on day in and day out... is The Word of God. So why is it so hard to stay focused and on track?

Autism isn't easy ... but it is a lot easier than other things that we could be facing. So I guess it's time for me to be thankful for Autism - now just because I typed this does not mean that I have convinced myself of this idea completely - but it is something I am working on. I should be thankful for all the things that come with it. I have two happy and very healthy little boys. I sometimes worry about them and wonder how their relationship would be different if Ty could talk and didn't have the barrier that autism places on his relationships ... would he be included in more things because he was able to ask to participate or would he not want to do them because its not something that interests him? Would he and Tripp still have that brotherly love that is so evident or would there be more sibling rivalry... would they have a stronger bond or would it be the same? Would we go more places? I could go on for days, but all that to say... how can I press on towards the goal when I'm stirring up so many questions? Who cares what anyone else says. We were all created to give glory to God and I plan to strive to teach my two boys just that. Now I am not perfect and I am not saying that I have all the answers or that I follow all the rules ... but Jesus never said that once you know everything - then you will be saved... He said to believe & confess .... I believe He can and will do great things with my family and I am excited to see what He has in store for us ...

I know I haven't been on this journey long and I know that I have a long way to go... but if you are anything like me and you are just beginning to face a new diagnosis or challenge in your life.  You may just hit it head on and start reading and diving into every book, website, Dr, therapist, teacher, and parent you know searching for answers, searching for a cure, searching for the latest and greatest therapy.  But really it all boils down to one thing - well first let me say - yes those things are good, but don't let it consume you, all advice is not always good advice, and just because it's on the Internet or in a book doesn't mean it's a good idea... I'm sure you know that, but sometimes we get desperate... but you should also know that God is real and whether you believe in Him or not, He loves you and He wants to have a relationship with you.  He is the reason I can do this.

love yall! and thanks for reading!

Graduation

As usual there is a lot going on and I'm not sure how or where to start?! Ty graduated from The Children's center at USM and it is definitely bitter sweet! He has come a long way from that first session, I remember him being so distracted by every little thing: doors opening and closing, voices in the halls, cabinets in the room, etc. He was also the only one in his group for a while and would have multiple "small tantrums" (just slinging things or refusing to do what was asked) throughout his 2 hour sessions. But he came around and once he learned the routine he enjoyed going to therapy! Then we met Andrew and his awesome momma, Ty and Andrew were so much alike, it was fun to watch them enter act and get excited over the same things! You could almost see it in their eyes...it's like they knew that they were on the same page! Then Ty ended up in a new group with two new friends and lots of challenges. He had to learn how to wait his turn and share all while still focussing on communication and sensory needs. He has come a long way, sitting patiently (in an open chair) and sharing, pointing to things he wants or needs, eating snacks without pulling his food out, using a napkin, drinking out of a cup, he's been following directions and using sign language and some words to communicate... There's so much that he has learned through the past 2 years and I'm not sure how I will handle this next transition, I'm not sure how he will handle it either...We have been very blessed to have been introduced to all the amazing therapists at USM, Will's Way and our amazing South Florida friend! I don't know where we would be without them!? The more days that go by, the more I realize that Ty will be in Kindergarten this August, the more I worry about the future...I have so many questions and concerns...

 But I think it's best if I just write about my hopes... I hope Ty is loved and cared for at school, I hope he makes friends and that he is challenged to reach his full potential, I hope that parents continue to teach their children how to love and accept others, no matter what challenges they face...I hope that teachers will have extreme patience with all their students and especially those that struggle to stay focused and on task...and I really hope that Ty loves school as much as he loves going to therapy... 

Tripp has been an amazing little brother in all of this and I am so lucky to have such a caring and loving 4 year old, he encourages Ty in all the little things and initiates conversation and playtime, he wants Ty to participate in everything he does- and that means the world to me... I call Tripp an old soul and he really is an old man trapped in a 4 year olds body most days! ;)

 Our families & friends have been extremely helpful in getting Ty where he needed to be and helping us physically get him there and constantly encouraging us to do the best for him and I hope you know how much we appreciate all you do! And to our amazing church family! Words cannot express how much we love each and every one of you! Thank you for encouraging Ty and including him in so much and pushing me to let him do more :)

 We have a whole new adventure starting and I am ready to strap in and see where God takes us! Thanks for reading!!! I love y'all!

Love

It seems like autism has been on the front of most folks minds lately. I have had high school students call for interviews they need for reports/projects for school and others, of all ages, have just had general questions. I like to hear questions about autism and I like to discuss our life as a family and I like when people are genuinely interested in what goes on with Ty and kids like him. I love when I can tell that our conversation switches from "is she ok talking about this" to "ok now for the deep questions". Recently I was asked if i think people with autism can love. My immediate respond is YES, why wouldn't they?! This question has hung around in my head for a while and I keep coming back to scripture. The Bible says that love is patient and kind... 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. What I have realized is that people with Autism love deeper and more clearly than any "normal" person ever could. When most people talk about love its always an emotion, when really its an action and something that is learned not given to us at birth. I mean think about it, from day one we enter the world looking out for ourselves and trying to satisfy needs and desires that we have. I am reading a book that was recommended to me by a friend called "the speed of dark" by Elizabeth moon. It tells a story from the perspective of a young man with autism. He is very straight forward and honest in everything he does, mainly, because to do otherwise doesn't make sense. One example- He was late for work so he stayed late to the minute because it would bother him for weeks if he didn't. He isn't mean to others, even those that we consider annoying... He just sees them as different. Aren't we all unique?! For anyone to say that Someone else is incapable of love is to say that, they themselves are incapable of love because by the biblical definition Love does not boast, it's not self seeking, keeps no record of wrong. So if we are looking at what someone else can or cant do isnt that boasting or in a small way saying "im better than you" just because of some small irregularities or tics or stems and if all we want to do is label one another... Can we really love? I'm not saying that it is wrong to say "someone has autism" or to talk about what that means or to attend therapy and discuss life with autism but it is wrong to judge and say that we are better just because someone is different .... So yes I believe they know how to love and are capable beyond what our minds can comprehend ...

School, Awareness and Life

WOW! Is it April already?!!! Time has just flown by and I have so much to do, and so little time to accomplish it all!! I'm sorry that I skipped the month of March on my posts, but we had a lot going on and I never got to just sit down and write. So here we are in April. Ty will be graduating from the Children's Center in May and if all goes well starting school in August?! We have not decided where he will be attending just yet, because we are hoping for a God thing and that some doors will be swung wide open at a school in our area for a new class for kids with autism?! It would be much easier to add a class to a school than to start a school from scratch in such a short time frame?! Well that means that this momma is a basket case. Even though I am not a planner, I don't like the uncertainty of the future for my Ty man. With Tripp we know that he will attend preschool and then elementary, jr high and then high school all at the same place -  and I want these same assurances for Ty but I do not want to be satisfied with "good enough" - I don't want to look back and wish I had done something different. He has come a long way in 5 years and I am afraid of regression. I am afraid of having a teacher who doesn't know what to do and who is to prideful, scared or unwilling to ask questions or to push him beyond his comfort zone. If you don't push Ty then he will do his best to run over you and get what he wants. I do want him to be happy but I also want him to learn and to show this world what he can do. So because of all that, some days are just better than others.
I know that God has a plan and I know that He will use Ty for his glory. Even though I know, it doesn't make it easy.
April is autism awareness month and I know now, more than ever how important it is to be aware and to make others aware. Autism is prevalent everywhere we look, but the sad thing is that teachers and people don't know what to do. Some teachers do but not all of them. They don't know how to respond to kids and individuals with autism because each one is so different. There is no text book answer, there is no list of "do this and that" and you will accomplish "this" ... it's just not that easy. I've noticed that because of the uncertainty of outcomes of therapies and different teaching styles some educators choose to look the other way and just ignore the issue. I've always wondered why in the world you would have standardized tests. Even outside of autism, every child learns differently, every child is not the same and how can we expect 25 5 year old to learn and react the same way when they are still growing and learning and their ages could be 6 months apart? Do we expect a 6 month old to do what a 1 year old does? Then why do we expect 5 year olds to learn on the same level as 5 and 1/2 year olds? yes there are some 4 year olds that are smarter than 5 year olds and so on and so forth. But my point is, if we would approach education in general as an individual plan for each child and not expect every child to develop at the same rate then maybe there would be less ADHD and PTS and who knows what else that is caused by the stress of school and the inability to learn in a stamped out time frame. The gov't demanding things of states who in turn demand things from schools who demand things from teachers who put that weight on a child? Does this really make sense? how about lets love on these kids, all of them "normal", "special" or whatever label they choose to place.... if we would just get rid of all the red tape and focus on the kids, don't you think we would accomplish a lot more? I know that I can learn and function a lot better when I am happy. I know that teachers would be less stressed and so would the kids. Guess I'll step off my soap box ... any who

On to the good stuff. Ty has almost concurred drinking out of an open cup! He loves to do it and will drink just enough and then empty the rest out on the ground/carpet/floor/etc. So we are working on not dumping the cup! He has concurred the whole drinking without water pouring down the side of his face. :)  His eating habits are also improving, he still loves breads, pizza, oatmeal, spaghetti and pudding but he is branching out a bit with peas, corn, strawberries and a few others. He is willing to try anything but after that first bite, if he doesn't want it - you will know! So things are coming along. His words are still forming and from day to day we hear him say new things but then he doesn't say them again when you ask so we aren't always sure if we heard him right. Sam was playing with the boys the other day and said that Ty said "Batman" clear as a bell... Tripp argued with him about it.... and we haven't heard him say it again, but I don't doubt him one bit! There have been other words that he has said and we get excited for him and he gets excited because we are excited!! It makes me happy that he is becoming more vocal. He may not be forming sentences yet but I know that once he gets the hang of this he will be a chatter box! Even more so than Tripp, if that's possible! :)

We had an Easter photo shoot at the house and this was the first time that I didn't have to chase Ty down for pictures! Let me rewind here for a minute... At their birthday party we had a photo booth and used a bench for the kids to stand on so that they could be in the pictures. Well Ty had a blast, he photo bombed almost every group and would just run up and touch the screen and stand there cheesing for his own photos?! I assume its because he could see himself on the screen, but I am not really sure.  So when I got ready to take their Easter pictures, I was expecting the same run around and fast snapping that usually takes place. But when I pulled out that bench for them to sit on... Ty just walked over and sat down and smiled?! He would get up and go get different things and then come back and sit down and smile. He would stand on the bench and smile with Tripp and then jump off and get distracted but he kept coming back?! I didn't have to really fight him like I normally do? It was awesome! I would tell him to sit with Tripp or love on Tripp and he would do anything I asked! I was blown away by the ease of the photo shoot and afterwords as I was flipping through the pics on my computer, both boys sat and looked at their pics, pointing and laughing at different ones. It was just awesome to see him doing things that, he normally wouldn't be interested in, but for whatever reason he wanted to be in on it from the start to the finish!

So things haven been exciting on our little hill and I will do my best to post more often! :) thanks for reading! i know i am kind of all over the place on this one?! :)