Grace

So I really don't even know where to start with this post... So much has happened and I've wanted to write but just never really found the time... So I will do my best to make it all fit without being to terribly long ;)

My amazing church family...
Have I told you that we have the most amazing church family?! Well we do! If there was ever a picture of God's grace, goodness, generosity, love, compassion, mercy, and faithfulness I would say it could be wrapped up in a photo of our church family.
Every year on super bowl Sunday our church does a fundraiser for a cause (youth&children ministry, outreach stuff, etc) and we call it Souper Sunday (bc everyone brings soups). Well this year our preacher called and asked if we would let them do super Sunday for Ty. All I could do was cry and then try not to cry and I did my best to answer but I honestly did not know what to say? Sam handled the phone call better than I did and his answer is exactly what I was feeling but couldn't express. He said "I wish I could say no"... It's not that we don't want people to support our little guy, (and I'm really struggling to find words to express what I mean here, so bare with me) I guess it's just hard to receive a gift given so freely, I felt like we didnt deserve it...

Leading up to that Sunday is all a blur to me... So many people wanted tshirts and everyone had them on Sunday morning for church. I was excited and nervous all at the same time, I can be an emotional roller coaster on any given day but especially on that day. I walked into choir practice that morning to a sea of blue shirts. I did my best to not break down into tears right there ... I know they are just tshirts but it showed me so much more. It showed me the love and support that we have always had around us, I could literally feel the love in the room without a word being spoken. The children's story that morning was about Fanny Crosby, she was blind, but didn't let that stop her. She lead a full life and wrote lots of famous hymns, played the piano, guitar and other instriments and even lobbied to congress for better schooling for the blind and most of all she had a strong faith in God. Bro Joel emphasized the verse on Ty's shirts "... but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him ~ john 9:3" and that's when I realized that there are so many others out there that God has allowed a challenge or should I say an advantage to be different.  To be able to focus on this world not just in sight but in blindness, not in the spoken word but in body language, to be able to yell if you want to and that be ok bc that's how you express yourself. I've read alot of articles and blogs and so many of them say that parents of children with any disability will go through a "mourning process" and I just don't think that's right. God has given me my little boy and if the world thinks I should mourn over that then they are wrong. He might not be able to speak and tell me exactly whats going on and yes there are days that I yearn for that. But why would I mourn the life that he has been given? Why would I doubt the love and compassion that he will be able to feel and share in a way that I can't. Yes there are lots of days that I wish Ty could talk and do all the things that his little brother can do but that doesn't mean that we have lost anything. We have gained an amazing child that is teaching us how to love and see through the eyes of Jesus.

I prayed many days and nights when I was pregnant with Ty for a healthy baby. I prayed for every organ to function properly and for him to be given a desire and passion for Jesus like no one else... and the more I watch Ty grow, the more I see God answering those prayers. Because Ty will love unconditionally and probably won't hold any grudges, he recovers from a fit and jumps right back up in your lap without any pouting... after his screams are done - he is fine and he is extremely happy ... theres no looking back and reflecting on "remember when..." Do we have our challenging days YES... but who doesn't?

So once the service was over, we all gathered in the fellowship hall for a meal that could feed an army! It was amazing and Ty sat in his high chair and ate like a big boy (which he doesn't always do... there have been a few wednesday night suppers at church that I have been covered in whatever we were attempting to feed him) but not souper sunday - I guess he knew that day was all about him?! After everyone ate Bro Joel presented us with a love offereing from our church that blew us away! I cried, Sam about fell out of his chair (literally) and Ty clapped. Once everyone stopped clapping, Ty started clapping and cheering again and again and everyone fell in with him! Sometimes I think he knows alot more than we give him credit for! We are extremely blessed and honored to be a part of such an amazing church! The love, compassion and grace that flows from this group of people is mind blowing! I don't think they will ever know how truly greatful we are to be able to worship and serve with them on a regular basis! God is good, all the time! I feel like these words cannot even begin to show you how amazing and great our God is and how faithful and true He has been to us! Thank you for reading and thank you for loving us and our boys!

here is a pic of part of our extraordinary church family!

i may not have super powers but...

There are so many days that I wish I had super powers, so many times when I think "if I could just read his mind, or use some kind of supernatural vision or touch to find out what is going on in his head or what could be hurting in his little body". Because he has a hard time communicating, he can't tell me that something hurts or that he doesn't feel good or what exactly ticked him off or scared him enough to scream relentlessly in the car... and that's when I wish I had some super hero device or super power that could reveal the problem.  Something to just pop up like a warning sign "WARNING: you just made your kid mad by ....." I know you probably think I'm crazy right now or just spending way to much time out in left field but these are the thoughts that cross my mind ...
My younger son Tripp has been in and out of the dr and we discovered he has some form of bronchitis that he cant shake and is now using at home breathing treatments to finally knock out this illness. After all the dr apts with Tripp and finally finding something that works we settled in at home and heard Ty making a high pitched wheeze randomly, normally we would have just ignored it and thought that he was just mimicking some new sounds that he heard ... but because of all that Tripp has been through we thought maybe he needed a trip to the dr. His only other sign of being sick is a runny nose, no fever or any breathing problems, but since he cant tell us if he's ok or not we thought he should go ahead and take him to the local walk in clinic.
I could write an entire book on what happens when we go to the dr but I will spare you the waiting room details this time :) We found out that his lungs are fine but that he did have a pretty bad ear infection and that he needed to be on an antibiotic... So thank you Jesus for showing us something that made us take him in. We visit this clinic often and have pretty much determined that they will be our kids primary physicians since they return phone calls in a timely manner and actually check up on your kids when they are having some serious issues. But all that to say our favorite nurse was on duty and she is amazing! She is so sweet and accommodating to the boys and when I was checking out (it was just me and Ty, Sam was home with Tripp) she walked Ty around the clinic bc there was a line and she could tell I was having quite a time keeping ahold of him and all the stuff I was carrying out (diaper bag, jackets digging for my purse, etc) ...  I kept an eye and ear in his direction but there was really no need, she walked him through the nurses station talking to him the entire time and made the loop through the hall which was just enough time for me to check out and grab him up for an exit.  I thanked her as she helped me put his jacket and hat on while walking out the door and I thought to myself "that was awesome".  I am a very hard headed person and most people that know me would attest to that, and because of my hard headedness (if that's a word) I typically don't ask for help and alot of times will just brush it off and say "thank you but we're good" when it is offered. Not because I think I'm to good for that but because I like to have control of our little world and I don't like to burden others.  Now I'm not saying that I have never asked for help because that would be an outright lie ... but in the little things of life and even in babysitting I feel guilty. These are our kids and we should be able to take care of them. We are very fortunate that both of our parents have been willing to keep our kids for a random date night, and even a girls night for me here or there which is very good for the soul... they have also helped us with therapy schedules, picking up or dropping off kids at daycare/therapy and even taking Ty to USM which is an all day adventure, and much more.  So to ask for help in something as simple as packing up to leave a dr's office seems silly to me and I never really thought much of it. The impact of her simple gesture of just walking with Ty while I checked out has amazed me ... I didn't think it would stay with me for so long but it did and that's made me think. Maybe I need to do little things more often for others. Maybe I need to help someone put their groceries in their car or make silly faces at their kid while we are in line at walmart to stop the screaming? Maybe I just need to tell them that it's ok and I know where their coming from? Maybe I need to stop thinking about myself and start looking towards others. It's so easy for me to get caught up in what we are doing with Ty that I miss what's going on around us. I get so focused in on making sure I have everything in line for him wherever we go, escape routes(because if I don't see them he will) or funny comments to break the ice and let someone know that it's ok to talk about autism, it's ok to talk about what we do for him, or why he can't do certain things, or even offer suggestions on what might work better for him/us. I love to talk about my kids and I will gladly talk with anyone about my boys and Ty's treatments, diagnosis, therapy or silly habits but I don't know how to offer it... and honestly I don't want to offer it up for conversation and be turned down.  But I do want others to know that I still care about them too and I don't want people to feel like our conversation will always turn to me and then Ty... so if i'm talking to much about autism/treatments/schools just tell me ... I can take it :)

So i may not have super powers but i sure wish i could pick just one!

thanks for reading! hope it all makes since!

the joy of Christmas!

Christmas is by far the best time of the year. I love all of the smells, foods, lights, and most of all friends and family. My favorite thing to do is give gifts, and I absolutely love to find something that I know someone would like and then give it to them. Not because I want recognition or to be thanked but because I simply enjoy the look on their face - the smile or laugh that comes with it and the hugs or conversations that will come after that.
Last year Ty was not much into the gift opening part of Christmas and I had a feeling that he would love all of the paper tearing and toys this year! Well I was partly right, he did really well once we got something out of the box and he could play with it but he wasn't real big on sitting and opening a gift, he did play with the paper and try to eat it after everyone else opened their presents. So to each their own :)
Every gift Ty received for Christmas was perfectly suited to him, everyone was so thoughtful in finding something that he would like even if it was a toy that might not be "age appropriate" in others eyes, it was perfect for my little Ty. I have the best family and friends in the world!
Christmas is also a very busy time of year with lots of traveling for us. And traveling with my boys is not always easy. Sam was working Christmas Eve so we went to my dad's Friday night had Christmas with them and then Sam left for work the next morning and that afternoon we went to visit my cousins and then on to mamaw's for a meal that could feed half the roman army (that's my brothers words). I always feel like we stay long enough to eat, open gifts and then leave and I really wish we could stay longer. But the hour and a half ride home was waiting so we packed up shortly after dirty Santa and started home. I made it half way home when Ty woke up screaming. Needless to say we stopped to see Sam at the fire house to keep my sanity and then drove home around 9:30 or 10.
Being that Christmas day was on Sunday we went to Church that morning. We were asked to read and light a candle as a family during the service and I wanted Ty to participate so we kept him in church for the first time. Ty absolutely loved the singing and would get so excited every time we stood to sing. Once the music stopped and the preacher or music minister would speak/pray Ty would start to make some noise, not a scream but just his version of talking. I assume he was talking to God in his own way :) I would try to quit him some but part of me just wanted to let him say whatever it is he needed to say ... from the mouth of babes right!?
During the childrens story part of church we sang happy birthday Jesus and the kids showed a new toy to the congregation. So after the song was over Ty was so excited and started clapping, have I mentioned that he loves a crowd and he loves for people to clap ... typically he loves for people to clap for HIM, but clapping is a favorite activity no matter who it is for! So once everyone stopped clapping Ty kept going, he stood front and center in front of the pulpit and just kept clapping with a smile bigger than the state of Texas, his teeth shinning, his eyes squinting and slightly bouncing with excitement. He could have stood there all day I am sure but I swooped him up and took him to the nursery. So that's when I stop to think. Shouldn't we all do that. Shouldn't we all stop and just praise the Lord. I don't know for sure if that is what he was doing, but I like to think that God used him to open my eyes and say "this is how you do it". No worries just pure joy and excitement!

here are a few pics from Christmas ... Ty loved the lights :)

thanks for reading! hope yall enjoy! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

it's christmas!

Well I can't believe that another year has passed so quickly!? A friend of mine tells me that the days get longer and years get shorter as our kids grow up; and that is so true!
It is less than a week before christmas and I have one more present to buy but I have not put up my christmas tree??? Yes I know that I need to do it; but I just haven't made the time to make it happen?! Who knows maybe I will do it today :). ok on to the good stuff...
Ty has been doing really well! The Children's Center sent home his AAC device (it's a device that speaks for him when he touches the icons of what he wants, for example "want" "need" "cookie" "more" "drink" "ball" etc). I thought it would be simple to use at home, but I keep forgetting that we have it? He does really well with this device and will even put together 3 word phrases like "want more cookie" and he just gets so excited when we give him the cookie. It's like he knows that we finally have a way for him to communicate those words that he might not be able to sign or say, and sometimes the words that he knows how to say and sign but at times he just can't get them out. Now there are times when he just won't say them and he will give you this adorable look as if to say "isnt this enough" but you have to fight past wanting to give in and make him talk. No, it's not easy but if you give in once then he knows that there's another option - and we would much rather pull those words out of him then to let him slip by with an adorable smile. right?! - thats what I keep telling myself...
so on to my little Tripp for a minute..
Tripp was in our kids Christmas program at church and stole the show! haha we all have to say that right? But really he did a great job, he knew the motions and words to almost all of the songs and only almost fell off the stage once :) so that was great for him! Because the last time they sang in church he stood up closed his eyes and then put his hands over his face?! so we have come a long way! Now all during the last few months of practicing these songs I wanted so badly to give Ty a chance to sing in the program, I know he likes music and he loves to dance (rock from one foot to the other and wiggle, its super cute) and he is not afraid of crowds at all. But I didnt want him to be a distraction to the other kids or to run up and down the isles laughing and jumping until he reaches the back door so he can open and close it. Now I am not saying that there werent kids on stage that were distractions, Tripp was one of them. But I have my reasons for waiting... they seem trivial now that I look back on it all but I guess I am just a bit more protective of Ty when it comes to stuff like that? I am not embarrassed or ashamed but I am quick to anger and until I am able to harness that I think it was best for me to let him sit this one out. Not that anyone would have said or done anything to my little man at church but I guess there is just always that "what if" in my mind... and it takes me a little longer to let go and let him do what other kids his age are doing. So maybe next year? ...That will be my plan..
When we got home we replayed the video from the program and Ty ran and jumped in my lap so he could see the computer screen and started shaking his shoulders and humming and then he would jump down and do his little happy dance and then repeat the cycle... it was awesome! and thats what made me think - maybe he was ready and I just need to not worry...

Ty has been doing some major oral sensory seeking over the last few weeks and I couldnt quite put my finger on why - but we have been without the pabby for a while and thats got to be why he is seeking so much! I've been trying to replace it with a vibrating mouth toy and so far that has worked but I am hoping that we will be able completely replace his shirt chewing with this toy?! we will see :)

Ty's Tshirts have taken off! and I cant thank you all enough for your love and support! you are all angels in our eyes!!

quotes:
I read a few quotes that I thought I would share

"I know of nobody who is purely autistic, or purely neurotypical. Even God has some autistic moments, which is why the planets spin.”
— Jerry Newport

“Autistics are the ultimate square pegs, and the problem with pounding a square peg into a round hole is not that the hammering is hard work. It’s that you’re destroying the peg.”
— Paul Collins

“This is what we know, when you tell us of your fondest hopes and dreams for us: that your greatest wish is that one day we will cease to be, and strangers you can love will move in behind our faces.”

-Jim Sinclair, “Don’t Mourn For Us”

these speak volumes! sometimes we just need to step back and think ... am I helping or hurting? Is this just a difference of opinion or is this something that will help him function? My desires are not that Ty will be normal but that he will be able to be the best at whatever it is he wants to be... communication is the key right now... and we just want to provide him with everything he needs to do that.

i know this was a pretty random post ... but i had different things that i wanted to share ... so i hope you all enjoy! thanks for reading!

therapy therapy therapy!

We have lots of therapy news ... first off sorry for my delay in posting! and here we go ...we had an awesome weekend after thanksgiving with Maria (our ABA friend from FL). Ty slept 12 hours in his own bed the first night she stayed with us, he was worn out from sessions and traveling I think. 12 hours! If you dont know, this is amazing :) especially the fact that he slept in his own bed. Now he hasn't done that again but at least I know it is possible! He did really well all weekend in his sessions and didn't really have any melt downs (his melt downs have never been real bad but the fact that they are even less than typical is great!). He is babbling alot more and has some new sounds "V" and "F" so that comes to a total of 6 sounds! Not olny is he babbling but he is also mimicking sounds and humming to songs. I think he has probably been doing this longer than I was aware of him doing it bc I just assumed he was marching to his own beat when in reality he was singing along but I was to deep in his world to see it - if that makes any since?! We also are going to cut back on some of his vitamins from the baton rouge dr and get a second opinion. If you want to know more about my opinion on this give me a call or send me a message... but there is way to much to get bogged down on his blog:). besides we need to focus on my little man!
Tripp has been an amazing little brother, he is constantly cheering for Ty & pointing out things I miss. For example Ty said ball & I didn't hear it so Tripp came running & cheering for Ty saying 'Ty said ball momma!!! TY SAID BALL! YAY TY TY' as he's clapping & patting Ty on the back which gets ty excited & then he claps for himself; ). I thought that we would have more jealous spouts from Tripp but he rarely gets jealous and is almost always willing & ready to help. Ty lights up when they play together & even tho they are only 2&3 their bond is definitely one of a kind, Tripp is always thinking of Ty in all the little things, it just blows my mind.
Ty has been at the childrens center since September & time has flown by! He had the most amazing teacher & group of therapists and we have learned how to use different techniques to help Ty walk and hold our hands and not run away from us & he is now walking with us to therapy! (he still has his moments where he tries to run but not as often). He also does really well with his shoe box tasks - these are activities that are in boxes & are meant to help him learn left to right work patterns, patience, & lots of fine motor skills. He started out struggling with these and now he just breezes right through. It's amazing the things they can get him to do! One of their goals has been to eventually move him into a class with other kids and they are going to start that transition within the next 2 weeks. I'm sad & excited at the same time bc he had such an amazing teacher & group working with him and they have come so far ... I Know he needs new things & challenges but they were just perfect, so pray that he continues to grow and learn in his transition.
Other things that we are doing at home: we have a fenced in back yard & we are going to start home learning skills (putting up spoons, fixing drinks, helping with laundry, etc) so we will see how it goes!?

Outings
We have been getting out much more with Ty & he has been doing really well! Sometimes I feel like people stare at us bc Ty gets very vocal a lot of times, not bc he's unhappy but bc he likes to yell...and some days I ignore the looks, but other days I would like to yank their smirks off their faces... And id like to tell them - that my child does not lack discipline but rather enjoys every minute of every day so back off....now if you would like to join us please do and Ty will most likely give you a hug if our buggy gets to close but if you can't handle it keep your smirks and comments to yourself...I know lots of people think we can't handle our kids but every screaming child in the store could just be full of life or overwhelmed by sensory issues it doesn't mean they should be left at home...sorry to get on that soap box...anyway Ty has hugged random old lady's at target and walmart and few TRU employees, he gets so excited when we walk in the doors of any store! (I think bc they open and close automatically ) it's as if we are walking into Disney no matter where we go...

Well I have rambled plenty tonight thanks for reading!

words

Oh how I wish I could give Ty my words & I would remain silent the rest of my days on this earth!?...I heard a praise song on the radio that I have heard at least 1000 times but it spoke so clearly to my heart "the deaf will hear the dumb Will speak & the dead will rise again".Needless to say I was almost brought to tears, every person that can't speak on this earth will speak one day & what better words could be spoken than to praise our Creator! Now don't get me wrong I still want him to talk & we will continue his therapy but if God allows this to remain a struggle for Ty, I know that one day he will communicate without any hesitation or frustrations...I just have to be OK with that right now...

I've always heard "choose your words" and I don't always abide by this...there are some days that I should probly remain silent but I don't!? And then there are times that I think others should remain silent & they speak their mind for all to hear...one thing that has started to catch my attention is the amount of people that say "so & so is weird, or different or special, or just flat out 'somethings wrong with him/her" and yes I Have said these things. But I'm starting to realize That one day, if not already, someone will say that about Ty. Now I don't think that these are words That are always meant to be harmful. But like anything, if said at the wrong time it can strike a nerve. Which makes me wonder how many times have I talked about a child or an adult that had autism, or maybe they just had some sensory issues that made them seem to be odd to the public eye? Well my eyes are wide open now...that was somebody's child. Before Ty I wouldn't know how to pic up on the difference between sensory needs that need to be met & a disorder (which more than likely go hand and hand most of the time, but I'm new at this so don't take my word on that). So now when I look at children who the public would call different I don't see a lable but I do see a need. And why is that so different from the rest of the world? Everyone has needs, some might not be able to express theirs as well as others but is it really enough to be considered an out cast? Besides we are called to love & what better way to show this world we are different than to love those that don't fit this mold we create in our minds? Whose to say that Ty isn't the normal one and the rest of us are the odd balls? ;)
I don't know if this makes much since but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say... Love to you all & thanks for reading!

Autism is a challenge not a tragedy

I was researching some silly shirts & autism awareness sites when I came across a blog of an autistic adult ... Here's an excerpt about how we should view autism:

"But this is where awareness campaigns come in. Rather than using them to explain to people how horrible it is to have a child with autism, why don't we use them to explain to people what autism is like, how we live and how we have fun, how we solve problems, how we interact? Why not show people that autism is not a tragedy simply by giving them a realistic picture of what autism is like--the good, the bad, the everyday people who, like any human being, have problems but yet have the potential for a happy, worthwhile life?

Yes, autism can cause problems. It can be difficult sometimes. Things take longer to learn; things take longer to do; maybe we need more help than most people need. But if we can just explain to the everyday people who have grown up with cultural prejudice that isn't even their fault--if we can induce them to challenge the idea that disability is naturally, obviously tragic--then we'll have won a great Victory" http://chaoticidealism.livejournal.com/89173.html#cutid1

Wow... How true it is that we are so selfish to think that any disability reduces someone's value... Yes I know that everyone will say "I don't think that" but even having pity for someone with a disability(any disability)bc their life isn't like yours, or thinking of all the "normal/typical" things that he/she might not experience is the same to me. Yes, life will be different for anyone with a disability & different for the family too but it doesn't mean it's worse.
I'm not saying I'm perfect & that I've never thought - "once we get passed this, then we can_____"... But maybe I need to be more focussed on living life like Ty wants to live it...yes I am going to continue his treatments & therapy but maybe my goals should focus more on what he would want instead of what I want or what's "normal" I mean let's face it - I'm not normal ;)
who said that God's plan for Ty is limited to a "recovery" from autism...maybe God's plan for Ty is exactly that - to experience this world in a way most of us can't - full of life, love, easy to forgive & no regrets...fearless! To soak up every aspect of everything we take for granted...Ty likes to put rocks in his mouth - he never eats them but just gets his tongue on it and then puts it down - I just assume that a rock isn't for eating, but Ty will test each one to make sure...maybe he's on to something...maybe we should admire the details of this world...right down to the taste of a rock?!

Thanks for reading....if you get a chance to read that other blog it's really good & has changed my view on things...