a little background

hi, my name is mandy and I have two amazing little boys. My oldest son, Ty, has been diagnosed with autism (which is what you will read most about in this blog); I also have Tripp, who is an amazing little brother to Ty (who you will also hear alot about). I was encouraged to start this blog to document our journey through life and life with autism... my world has been rocked in last few years and i have responded in good ways and bad ... but Jesus has gotten me through all of it...

i hope i can be an encouragement to you, and for the friends and family that will read this - maybe this will keep you posted indepth on what Ty is learning! :) and the adventures of Tripp too

thank you for reading, and if you have any questions, comments or smart remarks; feel free to post them.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

The ugly truth ...

  Life is crazy. There are times that we think we have it all planned out and know where we will be in the next 10 years. We lay out our hopes and dreams for our families, jobs, vacations and think we have it all figured out. We say those "I'll never...." statements and are adamant that we know what we will and will not do with our lives.... and then life happens. I could compare it to the Olympics. Michael Phelps for example, if he were to show up at the starting block for a medal winning race and instead of diving in and swimming hard as he has trained to do, he jumps in and does a canon ball, makes a huge splash and then attempts to catch up with the pack after he's made waves and caused a scene in the pool.  The reaction from the crowd would probably be confusion, a little laughter from some, others would be outraged (I mean he's trained his whole life for this, what is he doing?!), and others would just gawk and stare because they can't believe what they just saw, then you'd have those few that continue to cheer for him because he's Michael Phelps if there's anyone that can do a canon ball and still win the race then it's him, right?!

  Well, that's kind of like my life right now. Everything has changed. Divorce sucks, it's ugly, hurtful and a mess and it changes you. It doesn't matter how peaceful anyone tries to be. It's a mess. It always will be. It effects everyone around you - your kids, friends, family, etc.  It puts a strain on relationships with everyone in your life even when you try for it not to. It's as if I have "done a canon ball in the pool at an Olympic race" and just shook the world around me.  When the news got out about our divorce some people were outraged, some just gawked and stared, a few saw it coming and then I've had those that have just continued to cheer - not that they are advocates for divorce but that they know that life happens and they can see the hope in the future. 

  I've seen on facebook some people who post their divorce selfies with their former spouse and a copy of their divorce, kind of like a newly married couple will do with their marriage license but instead it's with their judgment for divorce. Smiling? Happy? Thumbs up? When I see things like that I think "yeah right, that's not possible". As we started this process I thought "we can do this peaceful and with as little damage to the kids and still maintain a good healthy co-parenting relationship" and that is still my goal but it's not easy. I've learned a lot in the last year. I'm surrounded by an amazing group of friends that have supported me in so many ways and I couldn't have made it through this without them and Jesus of course. They have seen me cry, talked to me for hours, been angry with me, sad with me, mad with me, mad for me, when I couldn't fight for myself they fought for me and they have made me laugh, oh how they have made me laugh! I wouldn't trade any of them for anything in this world! They are my tribe and my people! I love them more than I know how to tell them!

   As of August 11th our divorce was final. We haven't lived in the same house since February but it took 6 insane months for it to be final. I remember letting my friends know that it was done and they all asked me "are you ok?" my answer was yes - there have been lots of emotions in this process and they have seen me at my worst but on that day for whatever reason it was a relief for it to be done. I won't give all the crazy details because honestly I don't want my kids to have ill feelings towards either of their parents and one day they may read this. I know that they still may hear through others stories of what happened as they get older. Some stories will be true and others will be completely made up and they will have questions and I pray I will have graceful answers. Answers that don't tear down who their daddy is to them. Answers that support their relationship with their dad and can somehow show them that this was just another part of life. I hope somehow I will be able to show them love and grace in the midst of the madness of divorce. I want my boys to know that their parents love and support them and even though life didn't work out how we had planned that it's not their fault and that we did everything we could to be good parents. In the end it's all about Jesus anyway. Just because we divorced doesn't mean that I am not suppose to show grace as Jesus would (not that it's easy, but that is my goal).

   Well, let me switch gears for a min and brag on my sweet boys! School has started and they are doing great! They are both riding the bus to school (this was a challenge for me because I have always taken them to school, but after a lot of thought, research, prayer and meetings with teachers and drivers - they are riding the bus to school! and they absolutely love it!). Ty is always excited when he sees the bus coming, he starts giggling and pointing and hugging me as if I have taken him to Disney world lol. The first day he got on the bus he ran up those stairs and never looked back. He and Tripp ride different buses because Ty's bus has fewer seats, seat belts if needed to keep him in his seat and a bus monitor to help him while he's riding. Tripp has done amazing on the bus as well, he comes home telling me all about his friends on the bus and how many stops they make, etc. I think it has given them both some independence and they are loving it.

  We have changed Ty's meds again and now he is on less meds at night! He's been doing really well lately and it is so amazing to watch him grow. We are still attempting potty training, he wears pull-ups and will point to his pull-up if he needs to go to the bathroom sometimes. He likes to just point to his pull-up to get my attention and make me stop what I'm doing so we can go in the bathroom sit on the potty and then immediately stand up without even attempting to use the bathroom. So we have been working on that. He's been doing really well at school. His teacher told me about him sitting in the hall waiting for the bell to ring before they went into the class room and his friend (a girl) was sitting next to him and when the bell rang he jumped up and then leaned down to gently help her up. He also gave this same friend his pencils (if you know Ty, that's a big deal because he likes to carry things with him and it's usually two of something well on that day it was pencils and he's bad about teasing people and acting like he will give you his toy or pencils but then taking them right back) well on this day for whatever reason he gave her his pencils and let her keep them! If you ask him about her he just grins from ear to ear it's really sweet to see him interact with his classmates and form those bonds with his peers.

  We started Ty buddy's at church last Sunday and it went really well! Ty had a helper that took him to Sunday school and then into big church during the singing, sat with him during the children's story and then took him to children's church! It was so amazing to see him interacting and doing all the "normal" things on Sunday and I can't thank my church enough for being such a big part of his life! I have had a lot of people comment on how well Ty has been doing lately and especially at church. He's been listening better and interacting more and it really just warms my heart to see others see that in him! I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for us this year!

Well thanks for reading I know it was a bunch and kind of scattered! love yall and thank you for all the love and support throughout this year and this whole process of our new normal.

No comments:

Post a Comment